i am god. ||shinkami||

𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆

"Prince Shinsou?"

Hitoshi woke up, having messily fallen asleep the night before. He expected this to be Monoma, though the voice was different, a slight accent attached. "Who be it?" he asked, needing to know if it was somebody important so he could change into formal clothing.

"Hanta Sero, here with Prince Kaminari Denki. I've come with a message from his honor."

Shinsou sparked up, hoping that the man outside wasn't bearing bad news, though in his mind, that was perhaps quite probable. He threw on a dark, silk robe, peeking his head out of the dark oak door.

"yes?"

"the prince was wondering if you would enjoy the idea of staying at his kingdom, perhaps to get to know eachother better, he was quite interested in the gospel," Sero's tone became more stern speaking through gritted teeth, "and i was informed about your visit to the church."

"Ah, yes- that-" Shinsou scratched the back of his neck, peeking out the door to see if he could lose his sternness. "How rude of me- would you like to come in?"

Hanta cocked an angry eyebrow, hustling inside the large room.

"may i ask why i was invited in here-?"

"is the prince upset with me?" Hito interrupted, apologizing directly afterwards for being rude.

"I've been asked not to disclose any personal information regarding anybody in my kingdom." he paused, "but yes, he's, a bit pissed- and for good reason by the way-!" he raised his voice, Shinsou, reacting strangely, closing his eyes and tensing up.

"ah- my apologies, Prince, please forgive me-"

"just call me Hitoshi. Please."

"then, Hitoshi, if i'm being straightforward- Kami is quite upset at the moment, he believes you planned it and isweartogod-" he sighed, "look, i believe that there's more to you than the whole 'emotionless asshole' thing and Kami doesn't- but i really want him to be happy- so just- be yourself? alright? and we'd be happy to have you stay at our kingdom for at least a day or two-"

"i'll speak with my father."

"promise?"

"...promise."

•••

In all honestly Shinsou was a bit taken back by the use of the word "promise", considering he'd, never been asked to 'promise' anything- it was all he could think about. It was also, the first time he'd been invited to visit another kingdom, seemingly without his father; which; he didn't think he'd be able to handle. His father was always there, whether he wanted him to be or not- his father telling him what and who he could or couldn't like

his father telling him to stay away from 'them'

now he knew that 'them' was pretty blond boys, and he couldn't get over how right it felt to want the pretty blond boys he hated-

this was a bit more emotionally taxing than Shinsou would've liked it to be.

In most cases, a kingdom would present a princess, they'd meet, then they'd expect him to 'open up', which, he refused, so they went home out of bitter disinterest. He felt 'wanted', in whatever twisted way he was able to.

Meanwhile, Sero was giving the news back to Denki, though leaving out the part about him going into Shinsous room- and everything after that.

The princes were undoubtedly different in many ways. Kaminari knew what he wanted, he'd grown up being taught empathy, how to get along, he'd figured out how to find himself, and, most importantly, unlike Shinsou, Prince Kaminari was taught to feel.

Shinsou hated feeling. He hated feeling anything

and as much as he hated feeling, he longed for it.

he longed for the feeling of being wanted, of somebody wanting him, of laying next to a pretty boy and tucking the hair behind his ear and feeling the cold air come in through the open window.

he longed for something no princess could ever give him

and maybe he was starting to accept that.

maybe he was starting to accept himself.

•••

"do you know where my father is?" Shinsou asked Neito, who had been out all morning talking
to a specific girl from the village.

"he's in his quarters, Prince."

Shinsou walked down the southern wing, deadpanned and nonchalant, though his shaky breath and uneven footsteps showed otherwise. petrified? maybe. though he'd never admit it.

"Father? i have something to ask of you." he said, speaking confidently in front of his father, because if he didn't itd lead to a lecture on speaking louder than your peers, etc. etc. 

"yes?"

"i believe that Prince Kaminari's kingdom has been abandoned by the lord, father, from what i've heard they're all horrible in their ways."

"That's been obvious since the beginning, boy. are you going to continue to waste my time or inform me of something worthwhile? By the way, i thought it was your job to convert him? have you?"

"yes, father, in fact- it was him who invited me in the first place, or, his butler, Sero."

"is that so?" his father grumbled, obviously a bit suspicious, though curious.

"yes, sir; it seems that he wished to spread this information to his family, and so on and so forth-"

"could it be possible that he's trying to trick you?"

"well- i- i don't believe so-"

"i don't know you can trust this boy, Hitoshi. He's seemed corrupted since the beginning."

"but father, we need to spread-"

"Enough." his father yelled, losing his temper. "i do not wish to speak about this any longer. we may rediscuss at dinner if you please but i am certainly not in the mood."

"father-"

Shinsou did not come out of that room the way he came, he was, bruised in more ways than one.

He believed it was his fault. He, shouldn't have pressed on, of course. He should've known better. He was the only one to blame for his hurt. He was asking for it.

Perhaps it was better this way. Shinsou was reminded why he had learned to keep his pretty mouth shut, and, he was reminded why he always wore long sleeves.