Welcome To New York

Two

My room didn't match my personality. The institution gives you a small room- all white plain walls- with a wooden twin bed with grey sheets. One window smudged with fingerprints and a thin layer of dust covered up what's on TE outside world.

I remember my bedroom back in Indiana perfectly. It was small like the institution's room yet the walls were a lively color of hot pink. The walls were covered from floorboard to ceiling with posters for random crap.

I had Polaroids from my grandma's camera strung on my thin string I found at the dollar store all around in different formations. My bed was a queen and covered in christmas quilts.

Here you can't even bring your pillow of choice.

I sat on the edge of the twin bed- feeling the mattress shift under my weight. All was quiet except for a distanced sob.

It echoes through the long halls all the way into my room.

I leaned against the cold white wall , causing pressure on the center of my back. I heard audible voices and shallow footsteps outside of my room.

Today was Saturday- free day. We didn't have to go to Life Circle Group- just therapy. It was nice but there isn't anything to do here. Just rot until you are sane again.

Sanity.

I thought that slick word that enabled my mind when I was younger. What kept me in middle school and at my two story house.

Yet, the word slipped from my mind like a thin newspaper floating on the cold blast of wind. It picked it up with no warning and carried it far off- too fast for me to grasp on. Too high up for me to jump with all my strength.

It was gone. And they expected me to get it back.

Some people managed to catch it. A tall redhead named Loren was here for a month and she left without a word. Same with a dark boy named Mike. He would flirt with me- catch my eye and actually made me feel like all was well at times. But he fished his sanity and was out of here before the words "I love you" could slip from my chapped lips.

I was 19 and a hopeless case. Not all the years of training and qualification would catch my sanity which was speeding off faster than the thin lightning strikes.

"Lights out." A rusty voice interrupted my thoughts. It was Angela- one of the workers. Her greasy blonde hair was thrown into a messy bun and she looked annoyed.

She reminded me of a college student who was forced to be apart of a fraternity. Her parents rich- plastic. Her playing along.

I nodded and slipped into the sheets- by even bothering to change out of my cotton jumper. I had no strength once the sheets covered me.