bad ïdea

T is for Trust

Narrator's POV

"That concludes our meeting for today everyone. You're welcome to more coffee and cookies before you leave." Sam said, pointing at the table at the back of the room.

It wasn't long before everyone said their goodbyes and Sam walked around the room, gathering broachers from seats.

>knock< >knock<

Sam didn't bother to look at whoever had knocked on the door. "I'm sorry, you missed today's se-"

"I was hoping you'd have time for a one on one."

Sam's head perked up when he heard a familiar voice. He looked to see Bucky waiting at the door.

He was dressed in his usual disguise.

"Bucky." Sam was surprised to see him here. "Yeah, sure. I've got lots of time." He cleared his throat; the grip on the broachers got tighter.

Bucky sent him a small smirk. "Hm." He walked into the room, looking around again. His eyes fell upon the circle of chairs. "Do I just..."

"Sit wherever you'd like." Sam said to him.

Bucky choose an empty chair.

Sam say across from him, nervous. He had no idea how to start this.

Bucky felt just the same. He kept his hands in his pockets.

There was an awkward silence between them.

"So-"

They stopped, for they had both spoken at the same time.

"Sorry, go ahead."

"No, it's fine."

"It's okay. I'm here to listen."

"Well..." Bucky sucked in a breath, biting his tongue behind his lips.

The pressure built up inside him. His chest felt tight, and his lungs felt ready to explode. He was choking on his own breath.

"Did you want me to start?" Sam asked.

Bucky let his breath out. "Yes, please." His cheeks flushed red.

"Okay." Sam looked down at the ground. He didn't know how to start this. "Um, hello. My name's Sam."

"I know that." Bucky scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully.

"I have to say it. I always have new people come in and- oh, shut up." Sam laughed a little. "You distracted me. Now, I forgot what I was gonna say."

"You suck at this. Is this how all your meetings start?" Bucky asked.

"I sweat if you just came here to make a fool of me Barnes..." Sam laughed.

Bucky smiled at him. "Now, why would I do that?"

Sam was a little surprised to see Bucky's personality become a little softer than his usual.

A smile spread on his lips.

"Let me start over." Sam offered. "Hello, I'm Sam."

"Hey, Sam." Bucky went along with it.

"I notice we have a new comer upon us. Feel free to introduce yourself whenever you-"

"My name's James Buchanan Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky."

Sam was surprised to hear this.

...but my friends call me Bucky...

Bucky thought of him as a friend?

"You may not believe this, but I fought in World War II along side the bravest group of soldiers I'd ever have the privilege of knowing. We were called the Howling Commandos." He said, fidgeting with a coin that he had randomly found in his jacket.

Sam listened, and he listened closely as this was the first time Bucky was willing to share his story the way he lived and felt it.

"...and I thought "holy shit! What are we gonna do now?" when we were out there..."

This wasn't some "barely know the story" or "only get the important details of the story" or "we didn't need to know him to tell his story" junk plastered on a museum display or online research paper. This was the real story behind Bucky Barnes, the emotions, the world through his eyes, his thoughts.

"No one looks past the metal arm and tough exterior, but..." Bucky paused, holding his breath. He always struggled with this part. He hated admitting it.

Sam looked him, seeing how much he was struggling. "Take your time." He told him, waiting patiently for Bucky.

If this was where their session finished, that was fine.

He wasn't gonna push Bucky past his comfort zone. He wasn't going to force him into anything he wasn't ready for.

Tears of frustration formed in Bucky's eyes.

He kept his head low, trying to blink and force the pools of tears to disappear back into his eyes. He didn't want Sam seeing like this: weak and vulnerable.

"Bucky, it's okay. We can st-"

"I was just a kid from Brooklyn." Bucky let out. "I was scared, terrified. When they took me to that terrible place. I screamed for help over and over again, calling out for Steve. But he never came, no one did."

This time he didn't hold anything back.

Tears slid down his face, his nose was red and his cheeks were flushed. His eyes were puffy and watery.

The coin in his hand had been bent.

"Buck..." Sam said softly.

"I can still feel the cold metal on my face, the pain." Bucky said. "Sometimes I wake up screaming in the middle of the night. The night terrors are too much." He looked away from Sam, going back into his shell, building up his cold defensive walls again. "I don't know why. I should be used to it by now."

A gentle touch on his knee caused him to look up at Sam.

He looked at Sam, seeing tears in his eyes.

"I am so sorry all of this happened to you and felt like you had to keep it all to yourself." Sam said to him. "You have every right to be angry at the world. You deserve so much more than the world has offered you."

Bucky's walls seized their construction as Sam's words hit him deep.

"I'm sorry I treated you like a horrible person. I've been a terrible friend to you. I had no idea that you had been through so much. I'm sorry I took so long to understand, I had a lot to learn, and still have a lot more." Sam apologized.

"I forgive you." Bucky said.

There was a short silence.

"I'm sorry I broke your table." Bucky sniffled, trying to lift their spirits.

Sam laughed a little. "It's okay." He said. "I think the tape gives it a bit of a modern look."

"Hmph." Bucky let a smile form on his lips.