Blackguard

If this is how it ends...

Fresh baked cookies wafted through the apartment and wrapped me up like a warm, soft blanket. All the tension melted away in an instant as I sat down on the couch next to the woman. Her face was out of focus; no matter how hard I tried to look, it wouldn't come clear. I know she had honey-coloured eyes, as soft as her wide smile...I remember she did. Her blonde hair made it look like a halo was over her head as she looked at me.

The chocolate chip cookies melted in my mouth and warmed my belly as she talked about her day. I never felt so at home as I did then. My body sank into the couch as a crooked smile cracked my tear-stained cheeks, and my eyes drifted closed. Her voice grew fainter and stiffer until it turned into an annoying buzz.

The cold leaked into my stiff back, and my limbs burned as if they were on fire. It took several moments before I could force my eyes open but immediately closed them as the lights blinded me. My eyes cracked open again, this time, prepared for the fluorescent lights above. They buzzed their annoying song and flickered as I laid under them. A headache threatened to split my head into two as it crawled down to the base of my neck and churned my stomach.

The blonde woman was nowhere to be seen as I flicked my eyes around the room, searching for her. I didn't have the strength to lift myself off the medical table and ended up crashing back down on it with a cry. The constant buzzing above irritated me to the core. The repetitive sound of dripping grated on my ears, and the dampness in the air clawed at my chest and made it hard to breathe.

My laboured breathing, the dripping and the hum of the lights were all I could make out. I tried to move my hands, but even that was a task to do and ended up in failure. Cold sweat and chills ran across my body, leaving me in a thin layer of sweat and my teeth chattering. The clicking of my teeth hurt my head and neck, but I couldn't stop it. The rancid smell of decay hit me full force and made me gag. I swallowed the acid in my mouth and sucked in a fresh breath of air. I finally got my hand up and probed around the gunshot wound to my thigh.

It burned as I probed the swollen tissue with shaking hands. I could feel the hot liquid dribbling over my fingers and down the side of my leg. I raised my hand to eye level and stared at the black-brown blood across my hand.

Is this it? Is this where I die...all alone and inside a lab?

Figures as much...guess I can't be that surprised.

It's my fault. If I only have listened to Jake and Sherry.

If...if...if...

So many 'ifs' ran through my mind. If I only tried harder. If I only listened more. If I only did it alone. I let Jake and Sherry down, and now I don't even know where they are or if they are even OK.

The acceptance tasted bitter in my mouth as I tried to swallow it. My head plopped to the side with a sigh; the cold metal soothed my cheek and burning skin as my eyes wandered around the room.

Metal tables with tools on them circled me. Medical equipment and computers lined the dark-grey walls and whiteboards with numbers and charts on them that I couldn't make out. It was mostly clean, aside from the water puddles here and there. It felt more like a submarine than a laboratory.

Then my eyes fell onto the computer screens. They were filled with charts and photos. I stared at the images closer and sucked in a short breath as I made out the face of Jake's solemn stare and Sherry's soft glance.

I gathered the last of my strength and pried myself off the table into a sitting position. My back popped and cracked as I straightened up, and my stomach rolled, making my head spin. I kicked my feet over the side and placed them on the floor, but my legs collapsed under me with the sudden weight. I latched onto the small metal table for support but brought it down with me in the process. My whimpers vibrated through my chest as I plucked myself up onto my elbows and dragged myself to the screens, cursing my body with every move.