𝙈𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧?

𝐥

They said, if you did not see the importance of things or person, you will end up loosing them.

What about me? I saw his essence in my life, I value him more than I value myself, but why do I feel like I'm going to loose him?

It was the worst 30 minutes of my life.

I was sitting at the backseat next to P'Toptap while P'Mike was driving the car as fast as possible.

P'Guy was on the phone, he was panicking while talking to someone from Bangkok, it might be someone from the hospital to get the latest update.

"How is he?" P'Guy asked from the phone. "We are on our way." he turned to look at P'Mike beside him. "Can't we go a little faster?"

"We could, if not because of this damn traffic."

While me? I remained silent, looking down at my shaking hands, my eyes never wanted to stop producing liquids we called tears.

I could not think straight. This was supposed to be one of the bests nights with P'Bright, but does it have to end like this?

I looked at the person beside me who hold my hands to stop it from shaking. "You know what Win?" P'Toptap glance at me. "Tonight was supposed to be a surprise for you. See? He invited all of us to meet you there." he chuckled.

It was not a chuckle, a force laugh I can tell. I looked down again. It is really a surprise, very shocking as hell.

Now it looks like I don't want to get surprised anymore, if something like this would happen again.

"He was about to fetch you while we'll wait at Bangkok to surprise you. We were waiting for his call, but it is the hospital staffs who called us." his smile turned into a bitter frown.

And my tears fall faster this time. He was about to fetch me, but he didn't made it.

"When we saw him being rushed at the hospital." he stopped in his sentence and looked at me straight in the eyes. All I can see is blurry, but I waited for him to continue. "He was whispering your name, he was thinking for you, he is worried, so we decided to fetch you as fast as possible."

I don't know how many times I broke down, but I felt my heart crashed into pieces when I heard P'Toptap. I lifted my hand to my mouth and prevent myself from gasping and sobbing.

I let my tears fall as I endure the unbearable pain that I'm feeling. He was sent to the hospital, but why is he still thinking of me? Could he atleast think of himself first?

Or maybe, he was worried that I could be standing alone in there while waiting for him, he might be worried that something might happened to me.

Now it breaks my heart more knowing how much he cares for me. But I wanted him to know that I could stand there for the rest of my life, cause I am willing to wait for him to meet me.

P'Toptap wrapped his arms around me to let me cry in his shoulders. He was caressing my back, calming me and telling me that everything will be alright. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay. Everything will be okay." he said but I couldn't calm down.

It hurts, it hurts so much. I only love him, but why does it has to be this painful?

Why does it has to be this unbearable? I just wanted to die with him, I don't want to suffer like this, without him by my side. "P-Phi i-it h-h-hurts, s-so mu-much." I stutter as I cried in his shoulders.

If P'Bright only knew how much I'm willing to sacrifice everything for him, I'll do it without second thought. If he only knew that all these things were useless, if I don't have him.