WORTH IT

Chapter 5

Lavanya

"Please say something, Lava."

Wait, what the hell was I doing there?

Did we just kiss? Was that my first kiss? With Theo? You certainly did more than kiss. There was a make-out session. This was not the right time for my subconscious to intervene. But it was my first make-out. That too with Theo?

Why did it have to be him, of all the people I know? And what did he say? If I'll say yes, he's mine? What's that supposed to mean?

He'll have sex with me? Is that what he wants?

Of course. That's not that big a deal for him, is it? 

I've already given him my first kiss. I'd been saving this kiss for someone who might value it as much as I do. Not for someone like him, who saw the kiss as merely another form of foreplay to get into my pants.

But he did ask whether you wanted him. Hasn't he? This time, my subconscious wasn't mistaken. He did ask me.

He wasn't even concerned about the likelihood of me saying no. He cared enough to check on me and warn me not to do anything I would regret tomorrow.

He was looking at me, anticipating an answer, but all I could think about was how turned on I felt. What exactly is this guy doing to me? If he hadn't warned me, I might have also lost my virginity to him. Does he really have this kind of control over me? Or am I just horny?

It wasn't as if I was reserving myself for my future husband. I honestly want to wait for the right person. I was very careful not to give my body to just anyone. Physical intimacy should be the next step after emotional intimacy. People may think it is old-fashioned, but it is just who I am.

Sitting in his lap, I couldn't think clearly. I could feel the growing bulge in his pants, which was driving me crazy to turn on, to the point where I could already feel the dampness under my legs. What is happening to me? Even when I was horny, I'd never felt this way about a guy before. I rushed for my seat to finally offer him a response, capturing every last ounce of sanity I had left in me.

"I'm not like those girls, Theo. I'm sorry to give you the wrong hint. I'm not...this is not right. Not for me, not for you. Let's not talk about it. I should go back, I really need some sleep." As much as I'd like to deny it, I was afraid. This feeling was too intense for me. I already have so much on my plate that I can't add attachment issues. That too, is with someone who is clearly not my type, and I am certain for a reason that I am not his type as well. It is better this way. I just lost control, and tonight was about not being my regular self. Wasn't it? Justify all you want, you know that you wanted him too. 'Shut up'- I mumbled to myself.

It's okay. It's perfectly fine. It had to be. I don't want to freak over my first kiss with a womanizer. It was good, no doubt. Hot, to be honest, but this doesn't count. People kiss all the time. I was intoxicated and after all, I had decided to blame everything on alcohol, hadn't I?

Yes, it wasn't me being horny or this strange feeling in my gut. It was alcohol.

"Lava, you—" I had to stop this conversation right here, right now.

"Goodnight, Theo. I'm sorry, thanks for—" Giving me a kiss of a lifetime, which also happened to be my first kiss? A kiss I'll probably never forget, but I have to pretend it didn't happen because having you in my life is crazy. And I already have enough crazy in my life. "—well, thanks." I really need to leave before I lose all I've got and give him another taste of my firsts.

I bolted from his car, never looking back at him. I feel water soaking my dress; whether it's rain or tears, I'm not sure. Whatever occurred today, it all started with rain, which I am fond of. Though I prefer to blame things on booze, rain also played a role in the event.