Promises We Keep

15

KEN POV

To say that I am miserable would be an understatement. I hate how I acted and the things that I said. I can't even take them back. It took a full day for my mom to look at me again and finally let my choice of colleges go. I don't think I deserved to be let off so easily. I could have had a normal conversation with her. But, being the way she is, she let it go. And for a second, I was happy.

But then I remembered Marcus, and immediately wanted to smother myself with a pillow. I pushed him- no kicked him away, just like I did to everyone else in the past. I can't even forget about it and move on. My ability to shove all my guilt and emotions down has basically crumbled. I haven't been able to sleep since. The feelings of my dad's suicide resurfaced and are at full strength. I wake up in the middle of the night soaked in sweat from dreams of my dad's laughter, his arms stained with paint.

And then it always ends the same way. Marcus' stormy blue eyes coming into focus. How devastated they were that night. How I was the cause of that devastation. So many people have just walked away from him and what I did was no different. He was genuinely trying to help and I just....I groan.

His tears.

I shove the image out of my mind. I wanted to be the one to make sure he didn't get hurt and instead I was the one to hurt him. I wish he would have punched me. Anything would have been better than the knot in my stomach I felt when I realized I successfully pushed him away.

He has been ignoring me this entire time. As soon as I stepped foot into our school, I was given the cold shoulder. He has no incentive to even acknowledge me, but still. I wish he gave me a chance. In our first period on Monday, he walked right past my desk, purposefully sitting on the opposite side of the classroom. He didn't even look my way even though he had to know that I was staring at him. I couldn't even focus in the class. I just kept staring at the back of his head hoping he'd turn around and look at me. I even tried channeling his beliefs in superpowers and hoped he would telepathically get the message. 

He didn't.

The next period, I made sure entered the classroom and sat down first, and then practically sprinted to try and sit next to him. Instead he quickly grabbed a girl who was walking past and pulled her into the empty seat. She was surprised to say the least but she didn't move despite the mental daggers I was sending towards her way. Marcus gave her one look that basically said 'if you move from this seat I will make your life hell'.

And it continued. Him acting like I don't exist and me falling apart by the seems. Of course he hates me. Hell, I hate me.

After a while of him pretending as if I never existed in the first place, I accepted defeat.

But I can't take it. I miss him. I'm not even going to deny the fact that I do. I miss his lame jokes and adorable obsession with superheroes. I miss his wild temper and him threatening to break some part of my body every five minutes. I miss the signature grin that seemed to ward off all bad thoughts and simultaneously knock down every wall I tried to keep up. I miss his strength. He's not pathetic or weak. He deals with rejection from his parents and weathered a less than ideal situation to grow up in. He chose a career that will actually help people. He's smart, caring, and always laughing.

I groan. What the hell is happening to me?

I enter the cafeteria and my eyes immediately search for him. He's with Grace. Well, I guess they made up. They're joking around and they look happy. My stomach flips at the sight of Marcus smiling.

Shit.

I like him. I undeniably like him and it scares the crap out of me, but I can't ignore it anymore. And I can't take him ignoring me either.

I watch him get up, Grace practically shoving him out of his chair. He walks towards the food line and I move towards his line of sight, hoping that he'll see me.

When our eyes meet he freezes, as do I. But I don't look away. I can't.

His gorgeous blue eyes just staring at me is enough to shake up my breathing. I want my friend back. I send up prayers that he doesn't just look away and act as if he never even saw me. And to my surprise, he walks right toward me, never once breaking eye contact.

Thank you.

I take a deep breath preparing myself for whatever it is he's going to say or do. He pauses right in front of me, so close that I can smell his shampoo.

"Hey dipshit," he says, his signature grin on his face. I swallow. I swear that grin is going to be the death of me.

"Have I downgraded from rich boy?" I ask, my voice a little shaky, hoping that he isn't just here to say he wants nothing to do with me.

He hesitates as if he's thinking it over. "That depends on if you're still going to act like a dick."

I breathe. "I'm sorry Marcus, I-,"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Lucky for you, I'm in a forgiving mood," he says, waving me off.

I smile at him, suddenly feeling much lighter.

"You look like you've been hit by a semi-truck," he says, frowning at me.

"I feel much worse than that." I'm not going to lie to him or push him away anymore.

"Are you going to talk to me and let me try and help you, or do I need to knock some sense into you first and then ask you again," he says, a daring look on his face.

I laugh. His smile, his threats... He's back. At this point I'll do whatever he wants. Besides, I've been an idiot thinking I can handle all this on my own. I have completely reached my breaking point.

"I would really like to talk to you," I say smiling.

He frowns at that. "Dammit. I was really looking forward to kicking your ass," he says, walking towards the food line.

"I bet I can take you," I say, falling into stride next to him.

"What the hell is wrong with everybody today thinking they can take me? First, Grace and now you? "

"Maybe, we've noticed that you've gone soft. I'm mean, you'd never really hurt us," I say, with a smirk.

"Y'all keep thinking that and I'll throw both of you in the cafeteria garbage can."

He walks away from me, grabs a tray of food for him and Grace, and starts walking back towards their table. He stops and turns back to look at me.

"You coming rich boy or are you going to stand there all day looking stupid?" he laughs.

"Yeah, right behind you," I smile, suddenly feeling like all my energy has been restored.