Baby Come Back

Chapter 18

I woke up to screams and darkness after we fell asleep on the couch. She was yelling words that's didnt mean anything and thrashing her arms and legs about in obvious frustration. The piercing pain that was evident in the screams was the thing that broke my heart. We were apart 14 months, just over a year and all during that time she's had to live with these nightmares, over and over again. Falling asleep knowing you'll be woken by her fear every night.
I held her like that day I did in the hospital, I rocked her back and forth until she relaxed her body and the shouting turned into small, quiet whimpers.
"Lauren has this been happening every night since you left?" I whisper into her hair and I feel her nodding while she grips my body as I hold her. She's quiet now but she's shaking.
"And what happens?" I reply and she takes a shaky breath before whispering.
"you and I are walking down the street, you're pregnant and I presume we're married. I'm always unbearably happy at the start, i make you laugh and and youre holding my hand, until I see..Jake. He's waiting at the end of the street. I try to direct you to turn around but he starts sprinting towards us. I try to get you to run, but you're too slow. I go to help you but it's like I can't reach you, its like theres a barrier between us...He catches up with you and he starts to hurt you really bad..and I- I have to stand there and watch" she sobs out and I squeeze her in reassurance.
"It's okay I'm here now, I'm fine" I sooth and I let her cry. I promise myself ill help her through this. The girl I'm holding right now is a ghost of the one I met a year and a half ago, she's tainted by fear and pain. We'll get her back to the way she was, one day at a time.
I feel her slipping back into sleep, but my better judgment tells me to bring her up to bed.
"Baby, lets go to bed" I whisper and she groggily nods in a way that could only be described as a tired little child. I help her up the spiral staircase and into her room. I pull out a oversized t-shirt from her closet and pull it over her head, before striping quickly myself and throwing one on too.
I help her slide under the covers, and I take her in my arms. I've dreamed of this moment for so long, for the night our legs are tangled together like the ivy vines that grow up the house I picture us growing old in, the give and take and breaths shared like promises and secrets, her hands wrapped around my waist and mine just above her chest to feel her heartbeat so I know this moment is real. With a content sigh, I close my eyes and drift back into sleep.
_______________
I crack my eyes open when I feel sunlight on my cheek, the room is still dark apart from a strip of light from the window. Lauren is still asleep and I move my face so our noses are almost touching but i keep our bodies still tangled and I watch her sleep. She's got a small scar above her right eye that runs along her eyebrow. Her hair is growing back where it was shaved, if she swept all of it over one shoulder it'd be hardly noticeable. The hair that was always long was now cut shorter, a change I knew she didn't consent to. I didn't know how badly she's been treated the last year and I don't think I can bear to know. I'd convince myself I should have done more, fought more and shouted more, made my heartache known to everyone who had ears.
Bags lay under her eyes telling stories about all the sleepless nights she's had to face alone, in the same house as the man and his son who cause them. She was still perfect to me though, even the way she breathed in and out relaxed me. To have her here with me after so long just makes me so content.
She takes a deep breath in and I see her start to stir but I don't avert my gaze from her. She opens her eyes and I can see worry in her eyes, before she notices where she is and she smiles. She moves us closes so our noses are touching and pecks me on the lips once, twice, three times. She takes my hand in hers and knots our fingers together and pulls them into her chest, kisses my knuckles and holds them close.
"Good morning love" I say and she closes her eyes and breaths in, and I see a smile playing on her lips.
"Good morning baby" she whispers against my lips and she opens her eyes and looks into mine.
"You're so beautiful in the morning, I almost forgot" she says and I melt. I kiss her lips and then her chin, her bottom lip and her nose.
"I love you" I say softly as we shuffle impossibly closer.
"And I love you" she says as we snuggle together.
"I missed you so much" I whispered.
We stayed there just taking in each other, mapping out what we had missed with our soft touches and stolen kisses. It was late morning when we finally got out of bed because our stomachs grumbled in protest to our fasting.
We were in the kitchen, her sitting on the countertop while I was standing by the cooker attempting to flip pancakes.
"You didn't practise when I was away did you" she got out between laughs as I failed up flip a pancake for the 9th time that day.
"It's not my fault! I'm just not as adaptable as you that's all" I mumble as her laughs got louder. A smile pushes its way onto my face even though I was trying to be grumpy. Hearing her laugh like this again makes me so happy, I can't stop myself from quickly pecking her lips before going back to savaging the pancake.
"Why can't we just go out for breakfasssst" I moan as she grabs my hand and pulls me back into her. Her legs wrap around my waist and my hands automatically go around her neck.
"Because.." She starts before she starts to kiss my neck.
"I wouldn't be able to do this at a restaurant.." She trails off before she starts to suck my pulse point and I let out a soft moan. Once I'm sure shes left a mark she kisses it once and blows cold air on it making a shiver run up my spine.
"Hmm I suppose you're right.." I say quietly as she trails more kisses up my neck, down my jaw until she hovers her lips above mine.
"You're lovely" she says
"And you're all mine" I reply before kissing her softly.
We get a bit too carried away into the kiss and she ends up topless; until we smell burning and she does the pancakes instead.