All I Want~Hanna Marin

𝕾𝕴𝖃

I'm in my room watching a few videos of people doing Capoeira so I can get some more ideas for my routine maybe even get Emily in on one. To be honest, I just really needed the distraction. Elijah is asleep next to me and Emily is with Maya in her room. I've already booked Ash and Jayde's flight for them to come in the next month so that everything with Jayde's new paediatrician has everything they need so that weight is taken off my shoulder but the thought of me losing my daughter before she even has a chance at life is killing me. Like yeah I know some cancers take there time to really mess you up but sometimes they are like so quick they give you whiplash and I don't think I'm ready to think about having to say goodbye to her. I really wish I could talk to someone, but Kayla is working right now and I don't think Hanna or the other's are free or would even want to think about that. Maybe I should call her I mean before everything, Hanna was one of the people I would go to if I didn't think I could go to the others. But she might be busy with her "boyfriend". You know what? I'm gonna call her.

I pick up my phone from off my dresser going through my contacts finding Hanna's name. It rings a few before she answers. Thank every being and deity in the world that she answered.

"Hey Evan."

"Hey, Han. Can... can we, um, can we talk?" I stutter nervously. I hear her shuffle around a bit before saying something to some one. "If you're busy I can call you later..."

"No! No it's, it's fine I was just telling my mom that I'm going upstairs," I whispered a quiet 'oh' feeling kind of awkward. "What's up?" She finally asked. I sighed running a hand over Eli's curly hair that he clearly got from Kayla since my hair is straighter than Spencer.

"I don't really know if you really want to hear this. But I don't have anyone else to go to." I muttered anxiously.

"You can tell me anything Ev and I'll try to help you out as best as I can." Is that a promise? Because I don't know how long she'll actually be able to keep that promise.

"So I hate that I have to tell you this like how I have to but it's about my kid. Well my other kid. You see I got another girl knocked up while I was on tour and she gave birth to her almost ten months ago and I've just found out she has pancreatic cancer. She's not even one yet, hardly take a step into the world and it's already fucking her up. I want them to be near so they're gonna be moving to Rosewood in the next month and they're gonna be staying with my son and his mom but I-I don't know what to do Han. That's my baby girl you know and I don't wanna end up having to say an early goodbye when she hasn't even had a taste of what life has ahead of her. And I know this probably hurts you to hear but I really needed to get all this out, and Emily is pretty busy right now." I rant breathing slightly heavier than usual.

"Okay Ev I'm gonna need you to take calm down so you can gather your thoughts properly for me okay?" I hum yes. "Good. Now first of all, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this no one deserves it but all I can say is to be there for them and help them out as much as you possibly can not that you wouldn't because that's just how amazing of a person you are. Also even if things end up going to shit, think of all the happy times you've had with her so far and don't worry about all the bad times you'll face later on. but knowing that she's your daughter, I don't believe for a second that she won't be able to fight the cancer trust me on that Ev."

"Thanks Hanna. I needed to hear that," I sighed shifting in my bed so I'm facing Eli. I trace his face softly as to not bother him too much. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for not telling you about any of this sooner. I felt like I couldn't because of the ways things were going and the way they went. I was going to tell you about Elijah, my son, but then you started distancing yourself so I didn't want you to think anymore horribly of me than you already did or do I don't really know anymore. But all I can tell you is that I has him a year and a two months before you and I started going out." I told her. I don't want her to think I was cheating during our relationship.

"I understand Ev. No matter how much I was hurt to find out you had a child, it hurt more that you thought you couldn't tell me. But I guess it's my fault you felt that way so I shouldn't feel hurt about it at all." She explained. I scoffed quietly shaking my head.

"Don't beat yourself up too much. Yeah it's you fault but it's just as much as my fault. Now that I think about it, I could've tried harder but instead I gave up. I easily could of told you about Eli but I listened to the wrong voices in my head that told me you would dump me and that you'd hate me. And yeah your actions added to the fears, but I could've tried fighting it more." I argued. I do really feel that way, I just never really realised it until recently. Honestly while I have every right to be mad at Hanna for what she did, I didn't give her much of a reason not to think that way. Especially when I'd ditch her for more 'important' things like parties and shit but what hurt is that she really believed I would cheat on her. The only thing I've ever cheated on is a math exam in the sixth grade. But in all seriousness, since I started my relationship with Hanna, even though I would ditch and make up some dumb excuse as to why I was busy just to go to some, now that I think about it, dumb party. I never, ever thought of cheating.

"I should be telling you that. I really shouldn't have listened to jealous girls who were crushing on you because I knew who you were, Emily actually did tell me on a daily that you would never cheat on me. But then the things people said started to get worse. They would say that you were embarrassed of me because you never brought me to any of the parties you went to and I slowly started to believe that even though you and I both know I used to hate going to parties. I really never meant to hurt you Evan." She sounded really sincere. I just hope that she means everything she says.

"Well I hope that that guy you're with can reassure you better than I could Han," I whispered softly. I feel like my heart has been broken all of again. I really hate the fact that I know exactly why I'm feeling this way 'cause I really shouldn't be. "Anyway, I gotta go. Lijah is asleep and I really don't wanna wake him. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow." She confirmed hanging up the phone. I sighed staring at my ceiling. Everything is just turning to shit and I don't know how long I'll just be able to float by. Just as I close my eyes to try and get myself to relax and fall asleep, my phone goes off. I sigh tiredly reaching over to pick it up. It's from 'A'. Jesus christ doesn't this bitch sleep?!

One less secret to hide from mommy. Oh and I hope you and Hanna got to kiss and make up- A

I rolled my eyes hatefully and I shut off my phone throwing it across the room. I really can not e assed to deal with any of this tonight I swear to god. I'm really not cut out for this life but who is?