- Flower Boy -

FLOWER BOY - CH.4

CH.4

The day finally came, I left our house at 10am to take the bus to my hometown. I did not saw Wirudan today, but I left a note to him and a message to his phone saying that I was going to visit mom. I put some music at my headphones and the bus start to travel around.

After 5 hours inside the bus I arrived to my hometown, every year that I came I feel strange, because of all the memories with my family and how I missed living here.

I took another bus to get to my mom house and then I see her washing her clothes and singing a familiar song. The song that made me and Wirudan sleep every night.

- Mom, I'm home! – I say that while I run to her arms and hug her.

- My son, I missed you so much, how was your trip from Jakarta to here? – My mom hugged me so hard with her skinny arms

- It was safe and nice. I missed you a lot mom. So much happened this past month. We have a lot to talk.

- Talk is always good... come inside, I made cake and coffee for you eat.

My old house is still the same, nothing changed since I moved out, I walk around the house and the aroma inside the house is still the same too... everything is still the same but why I'm feeling a little uncomfortable here?

I sit at the table and eat my cake and drink the coffee that mom made to me, while she's finishing her stuff, then I clean my dirty dishes and enter my old room. The toys, magazines, my walls with my favorite characters of the anime on the wall. Everything still the same, but why I'm more anxious now?

- I really can't take off all your childhood stuff of your room, son – My mom stands at the door while she looks at me with her sweet eyes. Then she sit next to me in my bed.

- I'm sorry mom

- Why are you saying sorry baby? It's not your fault. – She grabs my hand and look into my eyes.

- I'm sorry for never visit you more times that I wish I could.

- That's okay son, I know that you are working hard to live a better life.

- Two days ago, I was at the hospital and I was feeling so alone there. I wished my family was with me there. But no one came.

- What happened? Are you feeling sick? I'm sorry for not ask how you was.

- That's okay mom... I'm really sorry for not be able to bring Wirudan here too, he's stressing me a lot recently and I left him. – I look at my mom's face and her eyes are so shocked. – I'm really sorry, I tried to convince him to come with me but he said no so many times.

- Wirudan? Wi-wirudan? Why are you talking about him? It's not your fault, what happened is not your fault. – Her voice was shaking while she was talking.

- It's my fault mom, we fight almost everyday now at home and I don't know what to do.

- Wildan, stop, what you are talking is nonsense, you and your brother together? That's impossible... your brother... he – She start crying and hug me suddenly. – It's my fault, okay, I really didn't mean do that to your brother.

- What are you talking about? Can you tell me why he hates you and this hometown?

- Wildan you are scaring me talking like your brother is still with us.

- Mom? – I got confused.

- Your brother's death is not your fault, Wildan, I'm the one who you should blame.