I'm sorry

Chapter 3

{AN: I am so very sorry I haven't posted in a long time, please forgive me ~ }

Cas slumped against the wall, his vision spinning.

"No." he insisted, blinking a few times in an effort to make it stop. "I already said I was fine."

"Cas that wasn't a request. You're as pale as a ghost!" Dean lifted Cas off of the wall and carried him back to the couch keeping him on his lap. Dean was freaking out now he didn't know what to do. In a panic he called 911. Cas protested at being lifted like a child,  or a damsel in distress, and pouted as he sat in Dean's lap.

"I'm okay." he grumbled, eyes widening when he saw what Dean dialed. Slapping the phone from his hand, he hung up, then glared at his friend. "Unnecessary." he spat, crossing his arms.

"Cas you're not okay! You look like you're about to pass out," Dean didn't realize how easy it was to carry him over to the couch, like carrying a small child. "You're extremely light! This is necessary!" Dean said snatching the phone back before he could protest. Cas grabbed it back.

"No it isn't!" he insisted. "I weigh a lot! I'm healthy, and healthy people don't need 911. You'd probably get arrested or something for a false alarm."

"Cas... stop," Dean said tears forming in his eyes, "Just stop it! I know you're lying to me! You're not okay. I'm here Cas. I've always been here!" Dean said letting a few tears slip out of his eyes. "I'd rather be safe then sorry... I can't loose you Cas, " he said holding him and wiping his eyes. Cas clenched his jaw, staring out the window.

"You're not gonna lose me." he said, feeling bad that Dean was crying. Dean never cried, and now he was, and it was all Cas' fault.

"What's wrong then? Don't you dare say nothing because we both know that's bullshit," Dean wanted, no needed to hear the truth.Cas swallowed hard, balling his fists into the loose fabric of his sweatshirt.

"Dean, come on." he said quietly, not wanting to talk. He didn't even know what was wrong. All he knew was that he hated feeling full, and he hated being big, and he hated himself for doing both,  and he would do anything to not feel those things.

"Cas please I just need the truth, the real truth," Dean was tired of the constant ' I'm fine '. He looked at his face looking for signs. He didn't know what of just a sign. Cas sighed in defeat, staring intently at Dean.

"Fine. You want to know? I hate eating. I hate everything about it, and when I do it I hate myself until I'm empty again. I hate being big, and I disgust myself." Taking a deep breath, Cas looked down, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. Dean looked into Cas' deep ocean eyes.

"Cas... You're perfect. How long have you been doing this?" Dean felt like he failed. He didn't know why he felt like a failure but he did, he probably could've stoped this from happening. Cas shrugged.

"I'm not perfect, Dean. And I don't know. A while ago?" he sagged into the couch cushions, staring at his empty mug. "Look, if it'll make you happy, I'll eat something. I'm hungry anyway." Dean smiled sadly at his friend,

"Cas, thank you. I wish you would've told me this earlier. I probably could've helped this... Do you want burgers?" Cas' eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Hell no," he muttered, heading to the kitchen. "I have food here."

"Really?" Dean questioned, "Where?" He asked gesturing to the almost desolate kitchen. Cas stuck out his tongue.

"Don't get snippy with me," he said playfully, going to the cupboard and taking out a plate. "I keep it here." he opened another cupboard and placed 3 saltines on the plate, along with a small handful of almonds. then, he went to the fridge and took an apple out, cut it in half, and then cut the half Into slices, and placed them on the plate, putting the other half of the apple back Into the fridge. "There. Supper." he said, coming back into the living room.