Not the way you think

Maybe

Raging storm inside of me. A tug of war between letting the darkness take me or fight it off. Letting the pain take over or find the cure. The harder I try to resist the stronger this becomes.

I didnt think this was love until I lost you once again, you dont feel the same, I know but I just cant help feeling like this.

Something's missing and its you, I know once you realize that im still stuck with you within me it will be to late, ill be gone and wont come back. You will once again regret it and ask for forgiveness, the only difference its that I wont say yes this time and I will walk away.

What's it worth if you dont feel the same way i do? At the end of the day the one that ends up hurting is me.

This pain is killing me, mentally and physically.

                 -Sam

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Yesterday he finally let us out of the room. Alec and I are thinking of the ecape plan. The escape is still going to happen just in different circumstances.

Right now my mom and I are getting dinner ready. My dad's at work and Alec is doing some dishes that were dirty in the sink.

Im cutting the vegetables when I start to think... How do I stop myself from drowning? How do I stop myself from falling into darkness? How do I make the voices in my head stop talking?

Im dying inside but no one notices. Im lost in myself and cant find the way back. This isnt me, this is not who I am.

Why am I acting this way? I know im stronger than this but im also tired of fighting battle after battle, no break, no space to myself.

How do I keep my screams inside when they just want to escape? How do I hold the tears that are threatening to spill all over my soul? How do I make this fire stop burning me alive?

How do I tell my demons to be a little bit quieter so no one will hear? How do I stop myself from shouting how bad im hurting for everyone to hear?

"Mandi are you ok?" My mom asks

"I just need to let things out, but yeah im ok"

"Mandi go, I'll finish here"

I look at her just to make sure she means it. When I see that she does I nod and walk out of the kitchen and up into my room.

I get changed into black leggings, a black sports bra and my ballet flats. I walk down the stairs in the direction of the party/ball room there's inside the house for when my dad decides to have his big parties especially New year's party.

Anyways I connect my phone to the stereo and start playing Turning tables by Adele, high volume. I get ready and let the music do its job and start to run through my veins into my mind and soul.

I start to dance and turn all around the room. I jump make a split on the air and land gracefully on my feet. I keep dancing. I dance and dance, my toes start to burn but I dont care. I dont stop either. I let all my anger, my sadness out, everything.

I let myself be free. In moments like this are the type of moments where I feel like myself, like I belong.

When the song ends I stop dancing to catch my breath then the next song starts to play and I'm in the middle of of a jump when I hear someone clapping.

I land on the floor and look towards the door and see Alec with a big smile on his face.

"Damn baby girl, I forgot you could dance like that."

I blush. "How long have you been watching?"

"Halfway through the first song. Your really good, there's no need to be shy" he smirks

"Oh shush." I laugh. I start to walk towards him and wrap my arms around his neck. I kiss him on the lips. Ahh there's the sparks I havent felt in a while. He grips my hips and pulls me closer.

We keep kissing, I forget everything. For that small moment its only me and him. Me and Alec. No one else.

We get taken out of our little bubble by the sound of my mom telling us dinner is almost done.

I let go of his neck and he lets go of my hips so I can change before dinner.
Hello real world. Goodbye fairytale.

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I know its been a little longer than usual but like I said I had midterms this week.
I promise to make another chapter soon. Possibly by Monday.
  Love,
           Sam