You Enlighten My World ( Taekook ff )

Part 81

What is the most dangerous human emotion?

Some of you would say it's hatred, some other would say it's anger because both of these emotions can bring great destruction. And then there are people who would tell you that the most dangerous human emotion is nothing but love, for just like it can bring great happiness, it can bring greatest pains too. 

But if you ask me, the most dangerous human emotion, according to me, is Guilt. Because what it brings with itself is not destruction but self destruction. It feeds on your darkest, most self loathing thoughts, like a termite it eats you from inside. Little by little it kills you from within. 

And that's what is happening to Jungkook. Seeing his love suffering everyday in front of his eyes, it's filling his heart with guilt. Though he tries to stay strong, stay positive for Tae's sake, with every passing day it's becoming harder to do that. Guilt is consuming his whole self, he has started to believe that he is the one who is causing his love pain. With every drop of tear that Tae shades, Jungkook is dieing a little inside. 

Lost in his own misery, trapped in his own fears and insecurities, Tae has no idea what his sufferings are doing to Jungkook. Because Jungkook had hid all his pains from Tae, he had locked his hurt, pain, anguish, agony, everything inside his heart. Not letting anyone see how he is suffering along with Tae. 

But as I had said earlier, every human has a certain breaking point and Jungkook is no exception to it, sooner or later he was bound to break. And seems like today is that day when it happened. After bearing everything for all these days, not letting anyone know about his pain and anguish, Jungkook finally snapped today. He broke down, all the emotions that he had bottled up inside him flowed down his cheeks in the form of tears. His guilt took the form of words and escaped through his lips. 

"I am sorry Tae, I ruined you." Jungkook spoke out in a guilty voice, his face still buried in Tae's shoulder, sobs still leaving his lips. 

"KOOKIE" Tae shouted as soon as he heard Jungkook saying those words. For a moment he felt like he can't breathe as he caught the guilt in Jungkook's tone. And then he snapped, he just snapped. After ten long days some other emotion apart from pain and anguish, appeared on his face. That emotion is anger. Tae is angry, like really very angry. 

Tae forcefully separated Jungkook from himself and held the older's shoulders, he stared deeply into Jungkook's tears filled eyes with his angry one's. 

"What did you say?" He demanded angrily and Jungkook lowered his eyes "I am asking you something Kookie, answer me, answer me why did you say that?" His whole face was red, he was fuming in anger. 

At that moment, Tae looked totally like his older self, the old Taehyung, who wouldn't spare anyone who dares to bad mouth his husband, it doesn't matter if that person is his husband himself. 

"Why are you not answering me, answer me Jeon Jungkook what did you mean by that, that you ruined my life?" He again shouted. 

"Because that is the truth." Jungkook finally opened his mouth "what I said is true. I ruined you. You became like this only because of me. I am the cause of your every pain. Everything happened because of me, because of my carelessness. Because I acted ignorantly. I didn't call you, I didn't tell you that I missed that flight, how could I do that? I knew you were waiting for me yet I didn't tell you that I will be late. I didn't even check if my phone had enough charge or not. How much more foolish, ignorant I could have been?" 

Tae stared wide eyed at the man in front of him who was looking so broken,blaming himself for everything that happened, while Tae more than anyone else knew that none of it was Jungkook's fault. With every word that Jungkook spoke Tae's heart broke a little more. While he did know that Jungkook is suffering, maybe even more than him, seeing him like that, he had no idea that Jungkook is blaming himself for his condition. Tae didn't have any idea Jungkook was getting consumed by guilt. That he had started thinking himself as the reason for Tae's every misery.