Daisies • Zarry

11. For the sake of my sanity

The second Zayn saw Kendall's text he had wanted to leave Elias' apartment and hop the train back to Greenwich Village then and there. He had wanted to go to Harry's apartment and stay with him, to make sure he was okay, to fall asleep on his floor in case anything happened, but he didn't because he couldn't.

Not only had Kendall gone on to say that she was taking care of him, but Zayn also couldn't explain to Elias why he was leaving at three in the morning, but still, all night long Zayn found it impossible to not wonder why it was him that Harry was asking for, why Harry was so uncomfortable with the idea of him and Elias, why Harry didn't want him to stop coming around to Daisies, and these thoughts continued plaguing Zayn in his sleep, which was anything but sound.

And when Zayn woke up to the smell of an array of delicious breakfast foods that Saturday morning he was reminded of Harry once again and this obsession that he had with Harry was really starting to become a nuisance to him, like a pesky mosquito in the summer, and Zayn found himself in a constant state of convincing himself that being with Elias made more sense. There was nothing complicated about Elias. He was out and gay, looking for something serious, real, and Zayn liked that. It settled his anxiety and made him feel as though maybe, just maybe, he could have the life he always dreamed of with that perfect guy.

And when he thought about Harry nothing made any sense. He said he wasn't gay, but he was giving Zayn mixed signals and he couldn't seem to ignore them or rationalize them. There was something about Harry that lured Zayn in, this heavy, intense energy that ventured deep into his bones and he felt it from the moment he saw him. Harry was charming, intriguing, mystifying, but also this unsettling commotion of questions with no real answers, an enigma that set fire to Zayn's nervous system and it was starting to feel terrifying.

"Morning sunshine," Elias greeted Zayn as he walked into the kitchen in his batman pajama bottoms and Star Wars t-shirt.

"Hey," he replied sleepily, plopping down on the couch and stretching his legs out in front of him.

"You were so restless last night. I kept hearing you get up, just tossing and turning. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah I just couldn't sleep for some reason," said Zayn.

"Well I have eggs and avocado toast, turkey bacon, fresh fruit and crepes," Elias responded while making Zayn a plate. "And plenty of coffee. So hopefully this will give you some energy for your day."

"You're honestly too good to me," he said, smiling at how thoughtful Elias was.

"Well I like you," Elias replied, chuckling. "A lot."

* * * * *

Zayn didn't make it to Daisies until around four in the afternoon, but he still showed up for his cappuccino just as he said he would. As he walked in he saw Anne behind the counter, taking a woman's order and she smiled wide at him, waving.

"Zayn! It's so nice to see you dear," she said as he walked by and he waved back to her.

He sat at his usual back table and noticed in that moment that he didn't see Harry anywhere in the shop. Zayn frowned for a second, taking his copy of The Odyssey out of his bag and began reading, waiting for Anne to swing by and bring him his cappuccino because he never had to wait in line to order it whenever she was around. Then he heard some banging in the back kitchen as he flipped the page, followed by a bunch of curse words coming from the familiar sound of Harry's voice. Zayn leaned back in his chair, eying the kitchen door, which was slightly ajar.

"Fuck this whole day," Harry muttered, walking out of the kitchen with two gallons of milk, making his way behind the counter and bumping into Anne, nearly spilling the cappuccino that she was making for Zayn.