Toyed [hisokaxreader]

~Chapter Fourteen~

You ended up killing about three others you just so happened across. Again, you don't like murdering, but it was the only thing that gave you a sense of security, of normalcy. No matter what you tried, you couldn't get this feeling to subside.

You ended up under a tree, the blood lust you were emitting so thick and full of rage that no one dared get close.

Why was it so easy telling that to Gon and Killua? 

You leaned back against the rough bark wondering, emotionless tears flowing freely down your face.

You had already accepted what had happened to Kiri. You had yourself convinced that none of it was your fault. It couldn't have been. So then, why did it still hurt so much?

If you knew you couldn't do anything, then why did it bother you to this extreme?

"God this is so frustrating!" you screamed, punching the tree behind you, causing it to snap in half.

You had already been through this, the pain, the hurt, and all the goddamned tears. You didn't need to be doing this again!

I shouldn't cry like this, I am not this fucking pathetic!

Wiping the tears furiously off your face, you realized someone was nearby, and you had your bets hedged on the perverted clown.

"What the fuck do you want Hisoka!" you glared at him as you screamed, watching him get closer to you as though your aura wasn't even an issue.

He silently prodded up to you, and wiped the tears off of your cheeks before pulling you into a tight embrace.

Shocked, you were stunned for a moment, before letting yourself break a little more and wrapping your arms around him, holding so tightly as if you let go, you would fall into the pit of despair you were so desperately trying to stay out of.

In all honesty, Hisoka sensed the blood lust and made his way over to look for a fight, but he saw you in such a desperate state, and to his surprise, he had felt hurt, knowing you were going through such pain, and alone.

He came looking for a fight, and ended up trying to finish one inside the head of somebody else.

He had never felt such compassion towards something other than raw power. He was still so new at all of these feelings, and didn't have any clue as to what to do with them.

In this moment, he knew that you couldn't be alone, for you already felt so alone in this world.

Trying to keep any dignity you had left, you slowly started to peel yourself off of his chest. before you could mumble anything to embarrass yourself further, he pulled out a small bag of berries and sat down in front of a tree, signalling for you to join him.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for hours. Once you were finished the berries, the blood that had leaked through your makeshift bandages attracted some hemotropic butterflies.

You admired them, and in a way almost envied them too.

The butterflies were so pretty, the red and pink hues to their wings, their beauty hiding their eager intent for blood. The way their wings flapped in the air, bringing them towards their next injured meal. It was a total yin-yang concept to you. Their beauty screening their darkness.

You envied them for their lack of understanding. They didn't know how beautiful they were, or how dark their nature could be. All they knew was that they had to get to their next source of food. It doesn't matter to them who was bleeding, or what that person had been through prior, but only that the person had what they needed. The butterflies didn't need to kill or hunt, and they solely relied on their senses and a natural selection of sorts.

Looking at Hisoka, you saw a butterfly in the palm of his hand. You admired how the sun shone through it's wings, making it softly glisten. You scrunched your eyebrows as Hisoka closed his hand, but smiled gently as more butterflies flew out of his hand.

You chuckled a bit, the magicians trick slowly making you realize that there were more people in this world who could be genuine, but they were just hard to find. 

Luckily for you, you had found two. Although, you had the impression that the jester sitting next to you was going to be the third. 

"Hisoka?"

"Yes?"

"I- I'm sorry for all the times I was rude to you. You were mostly just trying to help me. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you."

He smiled. After a moment he responded,

"If I'm being honest, I probably wouldn't be here either if I hadn't met you." 

Pensively, you both looked off into the distance, getting lost in your own thoughts.

It seemed aggressive saying what he said, but you honestly had no idea the storm that could brewing in his head. Yes, he seemed perfectly content with his life when you were looking from the outside,  but you had no way of knowing if he was ok on the inside too. A small chuckle escaped from his lips, and you turned to look at him.

"What, you're not going to ask me about it?" he said, his concrete character cracking a little, showing his true feelings just a little.

"No," you responded. His head turned slightly in confusion. "But I'm listening."

Hisoka, for what seemed like the first time in a very long time, was completely unsure. He honestly didn't know if he even deserved your kindness.

Yes, he had helped you in the past, but that was when the sole purpose was to keep you strong so he could fight you. At least he had thought that at the time. But when he went back, and thought under the surface, he realized that maybe he helped you just because he didn't want to lose you.

Now, you were showing him the kind of affection that friends would show each other.

Is that what you were? 

Friends?

"(y/n)?" he asked, unusually nervous.

"Yeah?"

"Are we... friends?"

After thinking for a moment, your unsure thoughts solidified.

Smiling, you responded. "Yeah, I think we are."

A/N: i realllllyyyyy love this chapter. like a lot. i also burned my hand, and can't type as efficiently as i usually can, so updates might be slow... please vote and comment! this chapter is edited.