The Sea Foam Churning from My Mind (Collection)

Overwhelmed [FF]

I honestly have no idea why I wrote this. The document is titled Sad Random Thingy so it's probably sad... :)

Overwhelmed [Written 4-26-20]

The smile lingers on my face, even after she has left the room. I let it drop to my natural expression only when I hear the familiar clink of plates from the cupboard in the kitchen. My slim fingers run across the plastic page. The blue polish on my nails seems too loud next to the yellowing pictures adhered to the pages of the photo album in my lap. They're fresh, glittering with tiny white rhinestones and glitter. Moons nestled in a sea of a million, billion, trillion stars. Perfect. Ready for the night ahead. But instead of getting glammed out, I'm sitting on my bed trying not to cry, waiting for my mom to return with a snack.

I feel like I'm in kindergarten. I just keep waiting for mom to make it better. For her to be the one to figure my emotions out for me because she's the adult and I'm just a kid. It's times like these, stupid childish times like these when I want to quit everything and just let her hold me. Sit on the couch or on her huge queen-sized bed and let her warmth form a blanket over my tired body while her kind words echo through my mind, sweet like watermelons we had at my birthday parties.

The ones that dad always picked out.

A tear slips from the corner of my eye. Then all at once, it's pouring. How did my sunny day, without a single cloud in the sky, turn so dark?

I could blame it on her, or her choices. I could stand up and preach that it's all her fault. She was the one to choose to cheat on me. She was the one that chose to slip up on her little lies the day of prom. But I know locked away behind that shiny new padlock around my heart, I know. The signs were there all along. Even before we were together everyone warned me to be careful, but I fell hard anyway.

Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment.

My tears land on the thin plastic sheet protecting the old pictures. Why did this have to be waiting for me? Today of all days. My dad's face is a blurry little blob under the wet puddles of my tears. And I shake with violent sobs.

I try to think of mom holding onto me, her little baby girl snuggled close. But then comes her watermelon words and dad walks in. His arms are outstretched, ready to pull me close, smooth my hair, and just protect me. Every part of me wants to dive into his arms, through the plastic cover, and into the past. Just to let him hug me one more time. Just to hug him one more time.

There are too many emotions, too many memories today. I'm supposed to be caught up in the present, making new memories with my friends, my girlfriend. The gems and sparkles on my fingertips wink at me, or maybe they're teary-eyed too. But instead of getting glammed out, I'm sitting on my bed crying my eyes out, waiting for my mom to return with a snack.