Hold Me Tight

Sadness

In woo's POV

''Life is a circle of happiness, sadness, hard times and good times'' - it's what I've been listening to since childhood. But in my case, I guess sadness and hard times is the ones I get the most compared to the other two. My life can be compared to a pyramid where the peak is my happiness which is so small and the rest of it is my sadness. From childhood, people around me kept on telling me and console me that 'Life goes on, don't give up', but to me, that's the saddest and scariest part, Life goes on. This thought is enough to make me be aware of the upcoming disaster coming to my life.

Since the day I was born, my mother and father gave me all the love of the world. Life was going so smoothly that I didn't even know what exactly was sadness. Everything was just as perfect as ever. But it didn't last long cause --happiness and --I don't go well. Not to mention the other turmoil's in my life because of my father's huge debts. When I was only 8 years old, my mother and father died in a lorry accident, living me all alone in the darkness. It was so quick and sudden that it was almost hard to believe. The ones who laughed with me played with me a few hours ago and now they're gone, they're dead, they're nowhere in this world. I felt as if I forgot breathing, I kept on praying to God to end this nightmare, I wanted to wake up from this disastrous nightmare but the saddest part is I am awake and it's not a nightmare. It is when I first found real sadness in my life.

The sadness, It was getting bigger and bigger as the time was passing. Soon after my parents died, everything was going to the wrong side. I had only one aunt and relative, who took me to her place. At first, she pitied me, gave me food, clothes and even admit me to a new kindergarten. But as soon as I was lighting up, she started to show her true self. She'd always bark at me for literally nothing, always tells me that I'm useless, even sometimes she'd beat me. Somehow my grandma knew this matter and took me to her place in Guryong village when I was only 10. These two years of abuse and all came to an end finally. The place, where we stayed, was so shabby but I have no other choice. At least I didn't want to be alone or get beaten anymore. I had to cope with anything and everything.

Soon after that, granny admit me to a nearby primary school. I always sit near the window, alone. My life was going fine apart from the fact that I had no friends but as soon as I reached middle school my life started to change drastically.

It was full of bore and sadness. yes, again sadness. I always sat alone, eat alone, study alone as usual which made the seniors notice me. They started to bully me cause of my weak look and lack of friends. They made me their lackey and I did everything they told me to, I had to. I felt weak in front of them. Apart from being their lackey, they also vent their anger on me. Every day I'd return home with cuts on my face or other parts of my body. Grandma was always by my side every time when I was feeling lonely or crying. So, I didn't felt bad or mad about my life that much. After all, I have at least one person who takes care of me wholeheartedly when my life wasn't even supporting me.

She'd bandage my wounds and tell me funny stories and jokes. She tried her best to return me the same happiness I had lost. I was getting over the trauma as the time was passing by, well I was trying to.

When I reached 14, my grandma got terribly sick and was admitted to the hospital. After my parent's incident, I always had nightmares for which I never slept alone. But that was the first night I was lying alone in my room. I wanted to meet her, wanted to be by her side but the rules of the hospital didn't let me. It was mid-July, the month of summer still, I was feeling shivering cold even under the quilt. It was as cold as winter, even more, colder. Lying alone in my room, curling up on the bed under the crumbled quilt, and praying to God to give me some warmth to calm myself down. Guess he listened.

Like any other day, I was extremely worried about grandma's hospital fees. Days were getting more exhausted and tough because of part-time jobs. Thinking about my lonely and exhausting life, tears keep on falling when I found a hand on my shoulder, patting me smoothly. The hand was warm. It's the first me I felt warmth after all these days. I look behind...

''Who are you?''