cool kids [c.hood]

chapter thirty - one

"you don't mean that," calum whispered, his voice at an audible level, it was official, his heart shattered, he wasn't even bothered to hide the tears coming out of his face. "indie, you don't mean that. you still love me, i know you do."

"i'm sorry, calum, i really am, i'm confused, hurt and i don't know what i'm doing with my life, i need to sort myself out before i could—" indie was rambling, of course she still loved calum and she probably forever will but she wanted the idea that she could move on.

"i love you," calum tried to grip at her hands, "you know i do. we can make this work, you still love me, i still love you and—"

"no calum," indie protested, prying his hands off of him, holding it together. "we can't. we have to move on, i don't love you anymore, i've moved on, you should too. you deserve to be happy. besides, you have a girlfriend."

calum scoffed at how stupid she sounded. she was his happiness, the reason he was allowed to smile and actually mean it, he wasn't fake around her, as cheesy as it sounded, he was himself. now all of that was gone, there was no point of him even attempting to be happy again.

indie was lying; she loved calum still, she could never not love him, she loved him now, she'll love him then and she loved him before but she didn't know whether she wanted a forever with him. she was terrified, petrified and all around afraid of commitment. marriage? she's heard unsuccessful ones. divorces? leads to grief and heartbreak and she wanted to stay away from that as long as possible.

"why?" calum asked after a moment of thought. "why say you suddenly don't love me? you can't just throw away your feelings after a month, it doesn't work like that. are you and that guy a thing now? just tell me the truth, goddammit!"

"you need to listen to me," indie spoke, a stern look on her face. "i'm not good with forevers, i'm leaving soon and we all know that long distance relationships cannot work, it never works, you and i, we were great together, you were the light of my life, you gave me a forever within the past few months but i don't know if i can even think of a forever, i'm scared calum, i can't commit. i told you that before we even started dating, that was the first thing i warned you about because this was exactly what was going to happen when we started dating."

"i don't understand why you don't want to try," tears fell from his face. "i love you so much, indie. you have no idea, my heart is fucking shattered, it was fixed, glowing and now shattered because of you."

"i'm sorry—"

"no you're not. if you were, you wouldn't have said you didn't love me anymore because i know you still do, you're trying to hide underneath all this bullshit excuses of yours, i love you indie, i don't know how else to express it to you. i would get a million roses and showered you with them, i would buy you a damn fücking cat to show it to you, hell, i would buy you a fucking promise ring." calum snapped, he would buy all those things for her, that was no lie.

indie wiped a tear under her eye, "please stop, you're making this too hard—"

"kiss me." calum cut her off, stepping forward. "kiss me and then tell me you don't love me anymore."

"i can't!" indie hissed at him but he made no remorse of her attitude.

"do it, if you don't love me then you wouldn't object, kiss me and then tell me you don't love me anymore." calum urged her, their faces close to each other. indie wasn't the type to back out of demands so she cupped his face and kissed him hard, both their eyes shut with calum kissing back just as hard, all their emotions flooded through one kiss.

it was long, emotional and when they pulled away, indie clamped her hand over her mouth, sighing in relief but confusion at the same time.

indie shook her head. "i can't do this cal, please leave."