An Arrow To The Chest

Chapter 37

"You're telling me that you and your boyfriend aren't speaking, that he speaks to your best friend every day, and you once caught them making out and have never addressed it with either of them?" Tia almost trips over the words, each syllable rushed and tumbling from her lips as fast as she can hurry them out.

We were sat in a quiet coffee shop on campus that was trying a little too hard to appear 'trendy'. The walls were a linen white, with hanging plant pots of overflowing greenery seeping out of every blank space, and polaroids of the staff pinned to a string of fairy lights. Instead of the classic and proper names of coffee, they had been replaced with Country names, which was completely unnecessary and made ordering more complex than it needed to be.I had gone for 'an Artic', which was an iced Americano, but the caffeine was only increasing my anxiety instead of calming me down. It sloshed in my stomach, feeling acidic and bubbly.

I had texted Tia to ask for a catch up when I realised that getting work done was hopeless in my stressed-out state. I was hoping that explaining the situation would make me feel better, but hearing someone else say it made me realise just how sketchy and awful it sounded.

"It was over 4 years ago now, and Jackson hadn't made it official yet so it wasn't like he did anything wrong. It'll mean absolutely nothing; neither of them would ever do anything to me, they both love me."

Was I saying it to reassure myself? Yes. Was it working? No. I was the first to prove that love doesn't always equal loyalty.

"When did you make it official? Honestly, if I caught anyone I liked with my best friend, I'd lose my shit."

"He asked me to be his girlfriend the next day."

Tia almost choked on her coffee, a snort-like sound coming from her nose as she flung her hand to cover her mouth.

"Tell me you're fucking joking!"

"He bought flowers and wore a suit. Turned up at my door. It was very sweet."

It was the first time I had ever received a bouquet of roses, and I remember the vibrant red, and the green shiny plastic, with the little fertiliser pouch. And he had snipped off the thorns because he wasn't going to hurt me again, and I cradled it against my chest and felt filled with love because he picked me. He didn't want a girl like Jenny, with her sex-appeal and presumptuous charm. He wanted me.

For some reason, I had romanticized the whole memory into a symbol of pure, untarnished love- and Tia had taken a bat and smashed it to the ground. At least I had the rose bush.

"Well, has he ever apologised?"

"When I said I never addressed it, I meant no-one spoke about it. Jenny pretended it didn't happen, saying she got so drunk that she didn't remember the night. And Jackson told everyone it was a shit party and that he left early."

"Are you kidding me? Please tell me you're actually taking the piss."

"Saying it out loud makes me feel really dumb, but I was 15, with low self-esteem, and Jackson was Jackson. I would have let him get away with anything."

That was the problem with putting someone on a pedestal- you let them get away with anything. I had such low self-worth that Jackson liking me seemed like the biggest accomplishment of my life, and I couldn't lose him.

"No level of hunky hotness justifies letting a boy treat you like utter shit. Your best friend! And not even an apology! I'm surprised you didn't drop her like a hot cake, then make him get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness. How can you even stand them being in the same friendship group, let alone being close friends and messaging? No Eloise, you will not stand for this. Hand me your phone, I'm gonna tell him to delete her contact otherwise you're going to dump his ass."