Devil's Clubhouse

Mister Manjoume

The next contestant is pushed out onto the set. This man is around sixty years old, but looks significantly older due to his slouching posture and wrinkles covering his face. He is Japanese, and he sits down on the floor in front of the cameras.

"Good evening, and welcome to another exciting episode of Dragon's den!"

The Dragons laugh at the poor man. He's obviously gotten his role mixed up. He's meant to be a contestant, not a person. His name isn't even announced, and the Dragons just laugh at him in delight as he sits on his floor, no longer smiling in anticipation.

"What is your business proposal supposed to be?" Deborah shouts at the man. She thrusts her hand in the air, gesturing him to stand up.

"Oh yes, of course. I am Manjoume."

"Go on..."

"Thank you very much for allowing me to participate in your meeting," he says, standing up.

Manjoume heads to the back of the den and removes a cloak from an old CRT Television set on a wheeled trolley. He wheels it forwards. The den's lights, along with those of the studio, are now turned on full.

"This here, ladies and gentlemen, is an old CRT television set. It was most likely made in the early-mid 1990's," he says.

He points to the lower area of the TV, where there is a slot for a VHS tape to be put inside it. With one button push, the set ejects from the VHS slot... revealing a CD tray complete with a disc.

"This set is only one of six in the world. Each of them holds the record for holding the title of being the most technologically obsolete pieces of technology in existence," he says.

Manjoume presses play on the tray, and an image appears on the screen.

"My business is taking these all-in-one TV sets and converting the old VHS tape slot, which only old people use now, into CD trays which everyone can use today!" He exclaims excitedly. "There is great profit to be made, and I am ready to do this all day, every day!"

"What's the name of your company?"

"The name of my company is... um..."

Furui mono kara furui mono e. It is the romanization of Japanese text, reading "From old to less old". Manjoume shortens it to "Furuimokafumo" for business purposes.

"How much do you charge customers for this modified TV set?"

"Around ten million yen, I suppose."

"I'd give you five," Peter says.

Manjoume shakes his head. "Not enough!"

"Ten million yen is around 75,000 British Pounds. That's what you're charging for this Frankenstein box?" Peter complains.

"It's a bargain! It's only ten million!"

"It's too much!"

"I think you're forgetting something..." Deborah interrupts.

She asks Manjoume what the current year is. He's amused by her very basic question. For some reason he looks at his watch. It's just an analog watch, it doesn't have a calendar.

"It's 2015," he says, looking at his watch.

"Add five to that." She instructs him.

"Oh. Right. In that case it's..." he thinks for a moment. "2017."

"Are you sure?"

"Pfft. Of course I'm sure."

Deborah looks satisfied with his response. "Thank you," she says. "I'm out." She says. "Goodbye."

The Dragons tell Manjoume they won't offer him a deal, but he should also stop promoting the product entirely.

"So that's it?" He says. "You won't offer me a deal? You're not even willing to cut me some slack?"

Deborah offers some advice despite stating that she was no longer interested. "Stop promoting the product entirely. You can't sell something that already exists in another, much more affordable and popular form. Ever heard of a DVD player?"

Manjoume denies the existence of DVD players. He truly believes that they are imaginary. This is one of the many weird things about him.

"You're forgetting about the internet," she says. "There's no need for a DVD player these days. People download movies now."

Manjoume further adds to the Dragon's confusion by denying the existence of the internet, too. He states that the concept of the internet is only weeks old. The Dragon's are uncertain how to handle him. To be honest, you're still confused by Manjoume's presence as well. Why is he here? And from what dimension? At the end of this contestant's trial, all Dragons but Peter are out. He's still yet to make an offer for Manjoume's business.

"I'll give you twenty million British Pounds, Manjoume. That's a fair deal, no?"

Manjoume stands in silence for a moment."I'll get back to you on that," he answers.

Peter's leading him on, just like he did with the other contestants. "But I'll only give you the money if you do one thing for me."

"Go on," Manjoume says, not really knowing what to do.

"Take this fifty pound note, go to the shop outside and buy me a DVD player."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because apparently DVD players don't exist, nor does the internet. So you'll be unable to meet your side of our deal... so... I'm out." He said those fateful words.

Suddenly, a phone in Manjoume's pocket rings out. He pulls it out to answer it. It's a cheap flip phone, practically a toy.

"Hello?" 

It's impossible for you to hear what the other participant is saying on the phone. 

"I know. I have not checked them?" He puts the phone away after a moment of talking. "I am sorry." Manjoume says to the Dragons. "My business partner sent me an email I need to read. About our new products."

Awkward silence follows.

"So, you can read emails.. but there's no such thing as the internet?" one of the quietest Dragons says.

"Email is not on the internet." Manjoume explains. He makes that very clear.

"But you just said..."

"The internet is full of misinformation and lies."

Deborah steps in to stop this conversation in its tracks. "Well, I think we know where you stand."

And that was where Manjoume's Dragons Den appearance ended. What an interesting man. You'll remember his name. Here comes contestant number three. Let's hope they are more successful than the last two losers.