Achilles and I are sitting on a cliff on the island of Scyros overlooking the sea. I had just found Achilles hours earlier after looking for him for months. I know now that Thetis stole him from me to hide him from the war and create a heir.
We have been sitting in silence for some time. Watching the sun set, enjoying all the technicolor hues of the sky. His head is laying on my shoulder with my arm held tightly around his waist. He lifts his head to look at me in the eyes.
"Are you upset with me?" He says quietly, fearfully, a tone I have not heard before.
"I would never be upset with you about something you had no control over Achilles." I say slowly, making sure he's heard and understood each word.
He nods slowly. He lays his head back down on my shoulder and I pull him closer until we share the same heartbeat.When all that's left in the sky is the suns shadow we both get up. I help Achilles put his dress back on and untie his now long, flowing, golden hair. We return to the palace hand in hand.
We sit down next to each other for dinner, and I observe a still weeping Deidameia. When I catch her eye she glares at me; a look filled with venom. Achilles however, at first doesn't even notice Deidameia, he only looks in her direction when her dramatic sobbing is loud enough for even the Gods to hear. When he does look, his eyes are filled with disinterest and disgust. When she sees this she leaves dinner sobbing even louder. If I had any inkling of Achilles having romantic thoughts about her, they are gone most definitely. I breath easier with this information.
Finally when the feast is over, Achilles and I head back to his room. We are both washing our faces with olive oil soap, when Deidameia barges in.
Her eyes and face are blotchy and puffy. And she is clutching her flat stomach. She looks nothing like the girl I met when I was greeted at the door.
Achilles doesn't say anything at first, he finishes drying his face before finally facing her crossing his arms above his chest. We both wait for her to speak.
When she doesn't Achilles begins only to be interrupted sharply.
"What is it about him that is different from me." She spits. Achilles tries to begin speaking but he gets interrupted again.
"He is not handsome, or special he is plain and weak." Her eyes are so filled with hate that they are almost black.
"Deidameia you need to leave. Now." Achilles says in a low, powerful, infuriated voice. He has placed his body between me and her. She begins to weep again.
"Does being the mother of your child mean nothing to you Achilles? I am your wife, we have slept together and we belong to one another-" she starts before getting interrupted by Achilles.
"Deidameia, you mean absolutely nothing to me. I do not care if you are my wife, I do not care if you carry my heir, you mean nothing to me and I will kill you before I ever have to belong to you. Leave us now."
When those words resonate with Deidameia, she leaves sobbing, and slams the door still clutching her stomach.
Achilles turns to face me and cups my cheek with his hand.
"I am so sorry Patroclus." He says softly, sadly, with deep hurt in his eyes. I want to take his hurt away. I want to see the eyes that I saw on Mount Pelion at the creek, field or in the cave. Eyes bright and filled with life. I pull him into a strong hug, we melt into one another. My head fitting perfectly in the crook of his neck.
When we pull away I push a long blonde curl behind his ear and smile softly.
"Let's finish getting ready of bed." He nods, a little bit of his brightness coming back to his eyes.
I finish washing my face and when we reach the small bed Achilles asks me to weave his hair. I weave his golden hair into a tight braid making sure to weave it away from his face.
"I like your hair long." I say when I finish.
He turns to face me. And smiles. He puts his arms around my neck and tilts his head.
"You do?" He asks through a smile.
"I do." I say returning it.
He lifts me and pushes me gently on the bed. We lay facing one another.
"You don't think it makes me look too much like a girl?" He asks eyebrows knitted.
"Nope." I say softly. He smiles.
We kiss for the first time since seeing one another. We drink each other up and Achilles begins trailing them down my neck to my chest. He pulls my tunic off and frowns.
"Patroclus I can count your ribs you are too thin." He says this eyes filling with worry. I begin to speak when I notice tears rolling down his cheeks. I have never seen Achilles cry before. His face doesn't redden, his tears fall slowly down his cheeks, almost gracefully. I sit up quickly and pull him into an embrace, feeling his tears fall down my shoulders and back. He doesn't speak or make any noise he is very still. I pull back to look at him again.
"Achilles I am alright I promise." I say, while using my fingers to brush his tears away. He is silent for a while before speaking quietly.
"I should have been there to protect you." The sadness in his eyes threatens to break me. He looks so distraught and broken. I am not sure what to do. So I just hold him. I use my fingers to brush against his back slowly and every once in a while I kiss his neck softly. We stay like this until I don't feel tears dripping down my shoulder and back. When I lean out to face him I kiss his lips. He doesn't move underneath mine for a while, but eventually he kisses back softly. I lean out and observe his face. He is not crying anymore but his eyes are still filled with sadness. I put my forehead against his own and we stay like that for a while.
I break the silence by saying softly.
"You and I are going to be alright." I say.
He breaths "Okay." Almost silently.
"I love you Achilles." I say quietly. I wait for him to have the strength to answer. But he doesn't and I feel tears rolling down his face onto my arm.
"And I know you love me back." I say in a whisper.
I break away and gently push Achilles down on the bed. I lay my head softly on his chest and whisper goodnight. When I am sure he is asleep I begin to shed tears of my own. I have never seen Achilles look so broken before and being strong for the both of us has left me empty. I let my tears fall and before I met sleep I hear Achilles say softly.
"I love you Patroclus."
YOU ARE READING
He's half my soul
FanfictionJust a collection of stories showing Achilles' and Patroclus' point of view about falling in love before the war :)