Dark Knights: Knights of Ren XReader

Chapter 13: You Terrify Me

You fall through darkness with glimpses of scenes flashing in your periphery, but you are unable to hold onto anything. You feel separate from yourself, emotions that you know are not yours. Complicated, conflicted emotions that constrict your heart. When you land, you feel alien from your body. Your limbs feel powerful and there is a frightening energy surging through your veins. You try to move but find you have no control over any part of your body. You are a passenger. There's a name swimming around your consciousness, trying to escape. A name not yet claimed, but substantially there. Kylo. Your eyes focus and you find yourself seeing a foreign world outside your realm of knowledge.

Your heart pains and your stomach knots itself. You are churning in a forceful tide of anger, grief, pain, power, guilt.

"MONSTER!" The yell comes from a familiar voice. One that your body grew up with- that was once comforting. Hennix. The puzzle master. Your friend and fellow Jedi Padawan- calling you a monster. Your hurt and anger surge around you with an astounding force.

Your large body whips around to find a blue lightsaber being hurled at you.

"What-" Without thought, you reach out your large, unfamiliar hand and concentrate on the flow of energy within you to hurl the saber back at your attacker. A surge of power and pleasure courses through your body. In the same moment, you realize you can't hold Voe any longer, and your hand reaches out behind you over the cliff. You had her suspended in the air but have lost the concentration on her hold. she starts to fall. You hear her voice, soft with acceptance "May the Force-"

"I can-" Hennix gasps as the light saber hurls toward him, spinning in the air, but your sight is concentrated over the cliff, "No..." you glimpse Voe fall down toward Vai's outstretched arms, but are pulled back by Hennix's words.

"-solve th-"

Your heart drops to your feet, a cold electricity shivers up your spine. The lightsaber pierces Hennix's heart before you can even think of stopping it. Your friend. Your brother. Your fault. All your fault. You rush toward him, your emotions still churning with anger, but guilt is the dominating one.

His eyes, glassed over, stare blankly into the sky. Blue light still stabbing through his heart. You can't stand the sight of what you did. You remove the lightsaber quickly and turn it, and yours, off. You drop to your knees next to your dead friend and let your emotions consume you for a long second.

Your days as a young, scrawny, black haired boy with big ears pulse through your memories. Next to you is Hennix, his peach-brown skin and squid-like features crinkled with a smile. You spar with each other, laughing. You eat meals together and study ancient text in a fresh attempt to unlock some old jedi puzzle.

And now you are responsible for his death. You swim in a sea of anger, guilt, and pain. It takes over your mind and traps you there in the darkness. But your job isn't done. You force yourself to stand on your feet, and you push your emotions back, behind a veil.

The world goes dark again, and the foreign body you are tied to separates. You plunge through the darkness, surrounded by your disgust- a familiar emotion.

You resurface out of the abys to sobs racking your body. You roll to your side and pull your knees up without conscious thought to your surroundings. You feel as though you've drowned in a series of horrible, complex emotions, and are now unable to draw breath. Now that you're out, you understand what Kylo did to you. He forced you to relive his memory of the first person he killed. His friend.

"No one is free from the pain of the fall into shadow. Pain gives us power. I didn't intend to kill him. Or Vai. But I had no choice. The pain brought me to where I am. The power I held over them was intoxicating, something you can relate you. It was the first time we let ourselves go and unleash our power- our desires."