The Best Years

18

Calum felt like a failure. How had he missed this? Sure he had been working recently but he had talked to her every day he had been gone, and yet still, he hadn't noticed the light missing from her eyes or the apparent lack of sustenance she was providing her body.

They had known this was a possibility, she was seeing a nutritionist and a therapist for crying out loud! So how had her health deteriorated to the point of her blacking out. He was having a hard time removing the sight of her lifeless body sprawled across their bedroom floor from his brain. The image had been everything his worst nightmares were made of. He hadn't wasted time with an ambulance, he had heard Holland's remarks about their proximity to the hospital loudly in his head and had made it from their bedroom to the ER in less than five minutes, never having been so thankful for the location.

The IV connected to Holland's hand beeped, bringing his attention back to the hospital room he found himself in and the sleeping girl in front of him. A nurse came in, offering him a soft smile as she worked to hang yet another bag of fluids for Holland. Her blackout, they suspected, was the result of severe dehydration.

He needed her to wake up. The doctors and nurses reassured him that both she and the baby would be fine, that she was only still unconscious because she had hit her head as she fell and her body was taking the opportunity to heal itself. She had to be fine, he needed her.

A soft knock on the door drew his attention briefly as it swung open slowly to reveal Holland's parents.

He stood and moved to hug her mother, Amy.

"How's she doing?" The woman asked, looking to him for information.

"They say they'll both be fine but they're putting her on a nutrition plan for the remainder of the pregnancy."

Holland's dad, Aaron, reached out and shook Calum's hand before pulling up a chair near the hospital bed where Holland still slept, her eyes closed peacefully, unbothered by the sea of worry from those surrounding her.

"Where's Evan?" Calum asked after a few moments when his brother-in-law didn't materialize.

"They've got a game today, playing the Giants and their starter is out, so Evan is going to start."

"Fuck, his first pro start and we're all gonna miss it?"

"He understood. He wanted to be here but he didn't want to let his team down and he promised he would come straight after."

"Holls is gonna be pissed when she wakes up and finds out we all missed it."

"All the more reason for her to take better care of herself." Aaron said simply.

"What are you guys going to do about Chloe?" Amy asked, switching the subject. "You guys are supposed to pick her up today."

"I don't know." Calum replied with a quick shake of his head. "I feel like mixing Clo in with all of this can't be ideal. Then again, we made her a promise that we were coming to get her today and I am terrified of letting her down."

"Will they even still let you guys get her?"

The hairs on the back of Calum's neck stood up. He hadn't even contemplated that the re-emergence of Holland's eating disorder could affect their chances of being able to foster Chloe. They had had to receive clean bills of health from their doctor as part of their application process and now he wondered if the work they had done to get to this point would all be nullified.

"I—I don't know. I hadn't even thought about it truthfully." He bit his lower lip and his mother-in-law squeezed his shoulder in silent reassurance.

"It'll all work out,Cal."

"I hope so." He replied in a soft voice. "She promised me she was taking care of herself, how come I didn't notice?"

"Calum you can't blame yourself. It's a disease and she has grown very good at hiding her issues."

"Yeah, but I'm her husband. I'm supposed to know." He said weakly, his eyes trained on the subtle rise and fall of Holland's chest.

"You're doing the best you can, that's all you can do."

Holland's dad had zoned out of the conversation, his eyes practically glazed over as he stared unblinking at his little girl in the hospital bed in front of him as Calum muttered, "What if that's not enough?"

"You can't think like that."

"My mind just keeps telling me that this is my fault. If I hadn't pushed her to have a baby, if I hadn't talked her into fostering Chloe, if I hadn't gone on tour, then maybe she would be doing better."

"It's no one's fault. I know my daughter and she wouldn't do something if she didn't want to. She made those choices with you. Her struggling with the reality of changes that come with the choices doesn't mean she regrets making them."

Calum hoped Amy was right.

*

Things were tense in the car as Calum steered his car towards the children's home where Chloe resided. He wanted to be excited but a cloud of uncertainty now loomed around their pickup time and he didn't know what to expect. Holland sat quietly in the passenger seat, her lower lip pulled back by her bottom teeth as she stared out the window at the passing cityscape. She had woken up and been discharged from the hospital just in the nick of time to accompany Calum to the center but she too was worried about how their fostering might have been affected by her accident.

"You gonna come in or stay in the car?" Calum asked as he parked and shut off the ignition.

"I think I'll stay. I don't think I could handle seeing her if we aren't able to get her today." Holland said and Calum nodded in understanding. She watched him go, his head bowed in defeat as if he knew their fate was already sealed before he was even through the doors. She hated that his sadness was caused by her. She hadn't meant to hurt him, or Chloe, or their baby. She couldn't explain her actions, they weren't rational, just her body's natural defense to the ever changing state she was in.

Her mouth gaped open when only a short fifteen minutes later Calum reappeared from the entrance, Chloe's chocolate brown hand in his. Holland shot him a 'How is this possible?' look behind Chloe's back and he only shrugged.

"Did you tell them?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"That you were in the hospital? Yes." He said firmly and she caught his underlying message. He hadn't told them why she had been in the hospital.

"What's in the trash bag?" She asked, noticing the black plastic in his hand for the first time.

"My stuff." Chloe said nonchalantly.

Holland's eyes cut to Calum's quickly.

"Apparently that's what foster kids use as suitcases." He said quietly with a sad smile as he took the driver's seat. "You ready to go home, Chloe?"

"No more orphanage." She said.

"That's right, bub. No more orphanage."

Holland had wanted to believe that she and Calum were ready to take on Chloe and provide for all of her needs. Nothing however, could have adequately prepared Holland to sift through a trash bag that held everything her foster daughter owned: two worn t-shirts, a pair of faded jeans, a set of pajamas, a toothbrush and a stuffed tiger.

She helped Chloe bathe and change and got her settled for bed since it was already late and then headed for the living room. She dropped down onto the sofa beside Calum, her head resting against the side of his shoulder as tears slid down her cheek.

"We can't let her go back there, Cal."

An: thoughts?

The major drama can't really be Holland having a little fainting spell now can it?

Ily,
Sav 🖤