The song I'll sing for you

24th May 2018

The next week or so, I was busy with my finals and paid less attention to my surroundings.

I had one exam left. That dreadful night, I got a call. It was Emma's mum.

"Hello, Aunty" I greeted.

"Sophia. Sophia" she was out of breath, calling my name over and over again in a cracked voice.

"Emma" I could hear the pain in her voice. My body tensed up.

"Emma what?" I asked, clenching the phone to my ear so hard that I feared it would break before I heard her answer.

"She is in a coma" she started weeping. I was silent and confused. Her muffled screams brought me back to reality.

"What happened?" I asked.

"She attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a building" she broke down. At that moment, I was so shocked that I could not wrap my head around what happened even though she just told me.

"Where is she?" I asked as I grabbed my jacket and my purse and ran out of the room.

She told me the name of the hospital and within the next ten minutes, I was on the train. It would take me about three hours to go there. I clasped my sweaty hands praying she holds on till I get there. I had hundreds of questions but Aunty was not in the state to answer them so I didn't pry. Why would she do this? I did not have any clue about what she was going through. What kind of friend am I? We talked recently and even then I couldn't pick up the clues. She definitely was stressed and very unusual. I shouldn't have brushed it off so easily. What have I done? I refused to think negatively so I focused on my thumping heart.

Another call came. I snatched my phone out of my pocket and answered without looking.

"Hello?" My breath hitched. Please let it be Emma. Please let it be a bad joke.

"Sophia, love. Did you hear the news?" It was my mum. In the last year or so, since I moved out of her house, that was the first time she called which was not related to money transfer. This made it all too real and I felt my lungs shrinking.

"Yes" I answered.

"I just heard it from her mother. I can't believe this happened to her. She is such a sweet girl" she said.

"Hmm" I refused to utter a word in fear my my closed up throat would not allow it.

"Did you know anything about it? I mean, you are her best friend" she asked. She was never interested in her before and even now, her tone is unbothered. My temper was on the edge so I kept silent.

"Are you coming? I don't think its a good idea. I know you have your exams and all"

"Of course, I'm coming!" My voice came out louder than I expected.

I looked around to see eyes on me and some whispers. They were startled but didn't seem very interested in my outburst.

"I'm coming, mum. I'll hang up now" said in a low voice before ending the call. I kept fidgeting with my fingers. One stop, two stops- why is the train moving so slow. My tense body kept me up the whole journey.

When I reached the hospital, I saw her brother leaning against the wall in the hallway, staring into space and her father pacing around with a phone in his hand. I approached them slowly and looked at her brother. His eyes looked lifeless. He nodded at the door beside him. I looked inside to see Emma. She was laying there, still. Several tubes were attached to her. Beside her bed was her mum. She was seated on a stool, holding Emma's hands and kissing it. There was also a nurse inside who was inspecting the equipment and writing on her clipboard.

Suddenly, her brother stood up straight and looked towards the reception. There were two police officers. They were coming towards us. I looked at her brother and then her father. They had very different reactions to each other. The brother looked shocked and her father looked scared. He clutched his phone again and moved towards them to talk. Emma's mum saw the whole ordeal from inside the room and hurried out to her husband. Everything was very confusing but all I wanted to know is that Emma will be okay.

I went into the room and stood beside her bed. She looked very tired. I sat down on the stool beside her bed and held her hands in both of mine.

"Emma?" I knew there would be no answer but I couldn't help but hope for one. I didn't realise the tears that were pouring down my cheek until I saw a drop on her hand. I looked down and my vision became blurry. No, this is not the time to get weak. What would she say if she saw me like this?

"You are such a crybaby"

I smiled at the thought. As I looked down again, I notice a dark spot on her hand. I moved the white sheet to reveal more of the spot and what I saw sent chill down my spine. A huge bruise. Black and blue. It looked horrifying. I couldn't imagine the pain she had to endure. I looked at the nurse.

"Is she going to be okay? I asked. Doctors and nurses were not meant to give you false hopes but all I needed was a little reassurance even if it was a lie.

She looked at me with pity.

"I can't tell that, sweetheart. We have to wait and see" she said with a small smile. My shoulders slumped. Nothing will happen. I know it. I just have to wait till all of this is over.

The heart monitor started beeping loudly, alarming everyone. The nurse checked the monitor and called for a doctor. Emma's brother came in the room and looked at me questioningly. I shook my head to show I didn't know what was going on. The doctors rushed in shortly and the nurse sent us out. We could hear loud voices from inside. Mostly the doctor giving orders and the nurse responding. I looked down the hallway to see her parents still talking to the police officers. One of the police officers was shaking his head in denial and writing something down. They are probably here to investigate what happened but could they not wait till everything calmed down? Till Emma woke up? Emma's mum looked over at us to acknowledge the situation but didn't move from here spot. She was arguing with the officers while her husband stood there with his head hanging.

I peeked inside the room through the glass on the door but nurses were blocking my view. And then all of a sudden, there was a long beep. The doctor stopped moving and so did the nurses. He came out of the room with a straight face and looked at Emma's brother.

"I'm sorry. She passed away" he said.

Her brother screamed and sat down on the floor, crying. His head between his knees as he shook in pain. I looked inside. I couldn't see her face anymore. They covered it up with the white sheet. The nurses around her were taking the tubes off her body. I asked the doctor if I could go in and he said yes. I stood beside her bed one more time, this time without any hope of her coming back. I moved the sheet and stared at her. I didn't know how to name the emotion I was feeling. I didn't know if it was anger or sadness or guilt. I couldn't wipe my tears fast enough before my cheeks were all wet and my vision was all blurry again.

Her brother entered the room and soon after, her parents followed. I left. Without looking back, I went home. My parents looked at me for answers but I could not stay there a moment longer. I locked myself in the room and cried till my eyes were dry. I didn't realise when I fell asleep.