The song I'll sing for you

25th May 2018

In the morning, I was woken up by a loud knock on my door.

"What?" I was never a morning person. I sat up in bed with a heavy head. I couldn't tell if last night was a dream or reality. I checked my call history. It wasn't a dream. The knock on my door got louder.

"Sophia!" My mum's voice called.

I slowly opened the door. Even without looking at her, I could tell she is agitated. With whom and why were the questions I was not interested in.

"Young lady. I got a call from your tutor. You missed your final exam today" she shouted, holding up her phone.

I pushed her aside and went to the kitchen to get some water.

"Sophia! I'm talking to you" she shouted again.

"So?" I whispered. Not intending for her to hear.

"Excuse me?" She heard me. "I understand you are worried about your friend but your exams are far more important. What were you thinking? You shouldn't have come here in the first place if you knew you had an exam today. What is wrong with you?" I avoided her and headed towards my room again.

"I thought you would change after moving out and having less contact with that girl. You two don't share the same goal. Her lack of ambition influences you negatively. I didn't want to say this but it is the truth" I ignored her again.

"Oh, right. She went to the hospital yesterday. How is she? Your concern is justified but I don't want your grade to be affected" She said, uninterested about her status.

"She is dead, okay!" I screamed. All the bottled up emotions poured out in this one sentence in an attempt to make me believe it.

There was silence.

"She is dead. Yesterday- I went there. She was in a coma. She died. No more Emma" I whispered. My father was there in the room and so was my sister. All of them looked at me in shock.

"I- I didn't-" mum started but I cut her off.

"No, you didn't. You didn't know. You never know anything!" I shouted. "It's not fair. She lost her life. She is gone. It's not fair if I am not affected at all" I said in a low voice.

"Sophia! Is that a way to talk to your mother?" My father scolded. I looked at him in the eye and locked myself in my room again.

I laid in my bed the whole day, scrolling through my gallery. Now this is the only place I will get to see her. Every picture brought back memories and as I remembered them, it's like I got to relive those moments.

I got a call from an unknown number. My heart stopped.

"Hello?" I answered.
"Hello. This is Holborn Police station. I would like to ask you some questions regarding the death of Emma Barnes. When is a good time for you to come down to the station?" The lady spoke on the other side.

"I can come now" I said.

"Great. When you come in, ask for Officer Parker" she said.

I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see me. Ending the call, I got ready. I have been holding back some questions and it's time I get some answers.

I was intimidated as I sat down in the interrogation room even though I had nothing to hide. I sat there for a good thirty minutes before a middle aged man entered the room with a file in his hands. He gave me a sad smile as soon as he came in and sat down across me.

"Miss Sophia Walker?" He asked, to which I nodded.

"I am sorry for your loss. I was hoping you would help us with our investigation regarding her suicide. So let's start?" He asked and I nodded again.

"So, how do you know Emma Barnes?" He asked.

"We ar- were childhood friends"

"And how close were you two?"

"As close as friends can be. We shared every little things with each other. Although, now I can see that there were too many things I didn't know" I answered.

"When was the last time you talked to her?"

"A week or so before she- before I heard- before she died" I struggled to find the words.

"And what did she say?" He asked.

"She seemed stressed. She wanted to say something to me but then she changed the subject. She said she missed me. We talked about our studies and other trivial things" I said. No, that's not right.

"Actually, it was me who talked the entire time. I kept talking. She just listened, barely said anything" realisation dawned on me. How could I be so selfish. I was quick to dismiss her cry for help. If only I was a bit more attentive. If only I asked her about her problems instead of ranting about my own.

"And did she mention anything that made her upset?" He asked.

I shook my head.

He asked me a couple more questions and allowed me to leave. I asked him about the details of the case but he refused to answer saying, he is not allowed to share the information. I desperately wanted to know about what happened, what drove her to do this. There was no one I could turn to for answers. Then I remembered. Emma's brother must know. I know her mum would not tell me anything because I tried calling her. The problem was, I didn't have his number. So I went to her house to ask him in person.

Her mum refused to open the door. I waited for hours outside her door but to no avail.

Just as I was about to give up, her brother came out of the front door. He looked at me and then motioned me to follow him. We went to the cafe around the corner.

"They said she had lots of bruises on her body" he said, looking down at his cup as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"Yeah, because she fell from a building" I thought it was obvious but he shook his head.

"They were not from the fall" he said. I looked at him in confusion before realisation hit me.

"Is it..?" I couldn't finish the sentence.

"She was raped" his lips quivered. I could tell it took him a lot of courage to talk about it.

I took in a sharp intake of breath.

"Who.." I started.

"David. Bastard!" He slammed his fist on the table. "I know its him. They started seeing each other at the start of Uni. I already gave his name to the police. They are investigating it. I should've stopped her. I should've said something. And with everything going on at home.... she suffered a lot before leaving" a single tear slid down his cheek which he wiped away quickly.

"Something going on at home?" I asked. He got flustered. He hesitated for a second but then anger flashed in his eyes.

"My dad got physical with her and my mum after I moved out. They never talked about it much and brushed it off as something not important. But it got progressively worse and every time I saw them, they had bruises on their body. Emma would hide it with makeup and mum would stay at home" he said. His clasped fingers were turning white.

Sadness washed over me. So much happened and I had no idea. I kept saying my life was hard to someone who was going through more hardships than me. I felt sad that she did not trust me enough to share this. Then anger bubbled inside of me.

"You knew all of this and did nothing about it?" I asked in an accusing tone.

"I told my mum that I am going to report him to the police but she begged and begged to let him go saying she loved him and he was not a bad person deep down. Obviously, that's a load of bullshit. She promised she would not let Emma get hurt again. At the end, she couldn't protect her. I couldn't protect her" he started crying.

His explanation did nothing to calm my anger.

"You should've still reported him!" I grabbed his collar.

He did not look me in the eye. He didn't stop crying. Tears were forming in my eyes too and there is no stopping them so I ran out without another word.