Hide & Seek

She And Me

Reya was at our usual spot on the bench near the beach on Wednesday evening. She had tulips in her today.

"You play a good game." I said, rearing closer to her.

She looked up, surprised. "What?"

I sat beside her. "The hide and seek you were always playing. From the beginning."

Her eyes dropped at her feet, flushed. "Yeah..." then she peeked at me through the throng of hairs cascading over her face. "Can I ask for forgiveness?"

"Nope." She glanced away, the silence sheathing us with exception of the waves lapping on the shore. This beach, the one closer to my home, our territory was bare today, hushed, as if even the air could feel the tension about us. "You knew didn't you?" I asked, softly. I didn't wanted to make it hard for her or me.

She glanced at me, confused. "What?"

"That the reason you couldn't go the afterlife or whatver depended on the forgiveness of Nicholas. He was the reason."

She blinked twice and I just wished for a split second for her to rebuff me. Nicholas loved her. I had seen that. "He blamed me for leaving him. So, yes, he was the reason."

I sighed and gritted my teeth, annoyed ever so much. "Wow! We circle back to the beginning. The reason was practically before our eyes. I mean, had you let me in on your secret it could have ended up a little sooner."

She raised her brows at me. "Would you have done that?"

I scoffed. "It would have been a little easy! Better than dilly-dallying." She got to be kidding me. I mean, okay, I admit, I might would have been ambivalent at first but anything- anyhing at all to avoid this situation I would have jumped to resolve Reya's problem. And ofcourse, I wouldn't have gotten such a friend as Reya ever.

Neither would have I gotten a friend in Nicholas or Meha, we wouldn't be where we are now, had I focused only on the pain in my heart near him. But, would that have been worth it? Perhaps not. Honestly I have no idea. I couldn't go back neither could I change what to come.

I sighed. "I understand now."

"What?" Her voice small, like she was speaking from behind a door.

"The pain. The excruciating pain I felt in my heart whenever I looked at him was yours." I looked at her. "Yours."

She turned to me, her face full of despair. "I'm so sorry Ileesh."

I chok out a teary laugh. "All these months. The turmoil in my heart was you?"

"I'm so sorry." She slowly shook her head as if denying everything that happened. "I didn't wanted this to happen."

"You tied us in way that I can't escape," my voice choked and trembled "...and if I try, it hurts both of us. How could you do that?"

"I just wanted to save you. I didn't have much time and if I could make something up of my remaing one I wanted you to have it. At that I didn't know this would happen, that we will end up here."

I brush away my tears frantically. Could I blame her for everything that has happened? I should. Becuase it started with her. But did she deserve it? No. She didn't. She gave me life, the life I had already gave up on. And in the end extant just one question. "Then, how are going to fix it? How are you going to fixed the heart that has been broken again?"

She looked away. "I wish I could but I don't."

"Well, I've."

"What?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them. "We are tied in tragedy in such a way that I'm not capable of holding into him. So, I let him go."

She clamped her mouth with her hand. "No...."

"Yes. And...don't try to talk me out of it." Which I had a brief notupn that she will, given that I was not just hurting myself but Nicholas too.

I waited for her to object but her reply astonished me. "I won't." She kept gazing at me, eyes same as Nicholas, behind the rims contemplating all those thoughts, putting all those questions together and finally saying, "you think you can live without all of them?"

"I can't.......but I have to." I rubbed my eyes. My fingers came all wet from the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

"You are brave." She said, ever so quite.

I nodded. "I know." And we both laughed. Maa says laughing and crying at the same time is supressing one of these two feelings and not quite knowing which. She is right. I didn't understand did I want to cry or laugh. It was Reya, she was unpredictable.

She gripped the edge of the bench on both her sides. "Some day, you'll..."

"Com-c-come back," I smiled. My eyes all blury and I looked down. "I know. I will....." I gulped. "I will. Soon."

"Yeah."

"Will you be here?" I glanced at her from the hood of my wet lashes. I knew the answers, I did, I just wanted to hear it once for to not have any hope or wish of seeing her persist.

"I don't think so."

I stiffled. We both gazed at horizon, dozens of colours mashing at the boundaries. The picture we have seen almost every day.

"Do you think he will forgive me?" Her voice was so small it was almost lost in the high wind.

I thought for a moment. The truth and the answer. They both are right and the perennial effect not always same. "He will." I said. "He loves you. He never hated you. He loves you so much."

I felt the air around her relax. "I hope so."

"Oh, he does."

She faced me full one eighty degree and grinned. "Yeah. You too."

I blinked. "What?"

She jerked her head behind me. A little uncertian I turned and saw a dark silhouette emering out into the light. Nicholas.

"Hey." He said.

I surged to my feet and scrambled forward. "Hey."