Of Struggles and Duties.

Chapter 4: Delayed Arrival

I was finally out of that suffocating bus and in the heart of Tallinn. Sadly I was in the center of the beautiful city, because Estonia lived in the outskirts of it rather than the center which was not too uncommon, but some countries thought it's best to live in the center to access most places in their Capital city with ease. I didn't live in the center nor the outskirts, I was in a more sub-urban spot, between outskirts and the center. I'm not exactly sure what the term for it was, but suburbs is the closest I can think of.

I have always been fond of walking from place to place rather than take city buses and taxis just to get to far away place, it has always been a preference of mine. It lets me take in sights longer, enjoy them to boot, and I could actually enjoy fresh air rather than the humid air cars and buses were notorious for.

This time I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy the usual, my thoughts were all over the place. Riga's attitude and general distrust of the ones I consider closest to us kept lingering in my mind. I was usually never bothered by her words and remarks of clear mistrust and wariness of my closest confidants. I was really curious what she was hiding from me, because I am certain she knows something yet she kept it from me, I've asked her various times why she feels the way she does, but all I received from her were ''just look who their friends are, it's not clearly us.'' I know that Estonia had a great friendship with Finland and Lithuania had his with Poland, but why would Riga be wary and mistrusting of Estonia and Lithuania due to those friendships? Have Vilnius and Tallinn given her a reason to be wary? Riga has to communicate with those two Capitals pretty often. She never told me what she talked about with Vilnius and Tallinn unless it was directly related to national matters, but I always knew she hid a lot of parts that were possibly more personal, if not related to her mistrust and wariness.

I took a seat at the nearest bench I encountered as I couldn't bring myself to move forward right now despite being so excited to visit Estonia this morning. Does he truly care about me like I think he does? It's obvious I care as I keep contact whenever I can. I don't receive that in return as frequently, but does it really stem from lack of care? I couldn't help feeling scared and worried over my potential connections being complete lies or just being less than ideal. 

I got up from the bench as soon as I noticed that some of the Estonian citizens seemed to notice my clear distress of what I was thinking and I didn't feel like trying to explain something to people who should know nothing of. Mortals were not aware that there's personifications of their countries living among them and it should stay that way, I doubt they would be very excited over various aspects of us. Especially the idea that I was in the same league as Estonia and Lithuania yet I was younger than both of them, one by 2 years, other 3 years, physically. I can almost guarantee that Lithuanians would have a field day at discovering I was a teenager while Lithuania was a young adult. I can imagine a bunch of ''mažai braliukai''(little brothers) and ''mažai seserys''(little sisters) coming from Lithuanians when referring to my people. I'm not sure how Estonians would react since they don't completely view my people as brothers and sisters nor do my people, some of my people see them as an ''adopted brother or sister'' in the ''Baltic Trio'', but generally Estonia is considered an ally I shared lots of history together with. My people would probably see it coming considering the fact I am the youngest in terms of gaining my independence from my past occupiers, but I'm not sure how'd they feel about the fact I had a physical age difference with both countries in question. With those theories in mind, it's better that our existences as countries and nations remain a secret from mortals. I doubt they would believe in such a thing as ''personified countries and nations'', in their view an anthropomorphic version of a geographic location is ridiculous. It would seem ridiculous to me too if I wasn't one myself.

I noticed I was nearly out of Tallinn's suburbs which meant I was near Estonia's home and the previous worries in my mind left me scared and my pace slowed down considerably as a part of me dreaded to visit Estonia now. What if he doesn't actually like being around me? If that's how it is in reality, why would he not tell me that? Would it be to spare my feelings or would it be because he enjoys my attempts despite them being void and null? I shook such cruel thoughts away, he'd be honest with me, right? 

The house density was now low and I was clearly in the outskirts of Tallinn now and I was very near my destination. The cars passed as per usual and some people passed me, paying no attention to me as I blended in well, but once in a while I received a confused stare as I was clearly young and strange looking compared to most of them. It didn't bother me as I was used to those stares in more exotic countries I rarely visit. I was happy once I noticed Estonia's proud home in the distance and slowly picked up my pace as I wanted this trip to be over with. As much as I had those worries lingering back in my mind, I was still tired from the whole trip and just wanted to relax in an environment I was remotely familiar with. Once I made it by the gate I was so confused...a car was parked nearby and it was not some stranger's car or even Tallinn's, it was Lithuania's...what was he doing here?

(Yay, updated again, ;3 I'm the writer and I'm not even sure where I'm heading with this story haha....Yet I noticed I reached the 100+ view mark recently and it makes me nervous, means my story is has been viewed by more than 3 pairs of eyes, but I still appreciate that, thank you for taking your time to read this! <3)