日食 eclipse. || tsukihina

七

(Warning: Drug use and self-harm. read at your own risk.)

Hinata's POV

          I woke up on the bus laying on Tsuki's chest. It was dark out, and no one was awake besides Coach Ukai and Takeda. Tsuki had his eyes closed, but I couldn't tell if he was actually sleeping or not. I tried to just fall back asleep, but that failed. I reached up to touch Tsuki's face. So soft. I rubbed my thumb across his cheek gently, staring at his beautiful face.

          "Go back to sleep, sunshine," he opened one eye.

          "So you are awake then," I said lifting my head.

          "I couldn't sleep," he sighed. "I downloaded some movies if you wanna watch one with me."

          I smiled and turned over so my back was against his body. He took out his tablet and earbuds and put on the movie. I wasn't really paying attention to it though. I started to think about what happened earlier. I couldn't believe I broke down like that in front of everyone. I didn't want anyone to worry about me. I didn't want to be a burden to them. I couldn't be a burden to them. Ever.

          I thought about everything the rest of the ride home and didn't even realize everyone was up again and gathering their things. I grabbed my things and quickly ran off the bus before anyone could stop me. I heard them calling out my name, but I didn't stop running. I didn't even go home. I just kept running until I realized I'd gone too far.

"What time is it?" I said to myself, looking down at my watch.

3:47 a.m.

My eyes widened, and fear flushed my body. I'm glad I at least know where I was. I turned and began to walk home, and when I finally got there, Natsu is on the couch sleeping again. I took her to her room before going into my own. I didn't even change my clothes before I collapsed in my bed and started to cry silently.

Why am I like this?

~~~

I woke up with the sun shining in my face through the window. I sighed and checked my phone only to see it was 1:30 already. Might as well just stay home. I also had dozens of missed calls and unread text from the group chat. I opened them all and left everyone on read and didn't call anyone back either. I put down my phone and just stared out the window. When I finally got up to go eat something, I noticed a note on the fridge.

Gone with Natsu for a bit. We'll be at grandmas house. I left money for food. Be back soon. Love you. ~Mom. <3

I sighed and went in the fridge. Nothing. Oh well. I just wouldn't eat today. I closed the fridge and started to roam around the house. It was quiet except for the minimal sound my fingers made dragging against the walls. At some point I ended up in my parents old bedroom. Mom didn't sleep here anymore– not since he left. She made the guest room her own. There were still holes in the wall from my father punching it. Even their dresser still had the same scratches and clothes in it. Everything had been in here for four years. Untouched. The bed wasn't made. I could still see my dad throwing my mom over it before yelling and walking out the door.

I remembered like it was last night, and somehow... someway, when the light shined in this room, I still thought it's the most beautiful room I've ever laid eyes on. Cream colored walls and a brown wardrobe to match the bed frame. The plants in here were dead now, but the past green of them used to glisten in the sunlight. The broken picture frame and shattered glass that used to hang on the wall. I would never forget this room because it's where I was made. I was made out of love but treated with hatred. He never stopped hating me.

I wondered if he had another family, if he hated another child, if he beat another child, or if he loved another child and if he held another child. Were they okay? Because I wasn't. I didn't think I ever would be. I still cried and cry and cry over him. I cried over the man that beat me because no matter how much he hated me, he's my dad, and I missed him, and I missed having a whole family, and I missed our laughter on his good days. I never knew what I did to make him hate me so much, and I guess I never would. Not even Natsu had heard from him these last four years, and he actually loved her, or so I thought.

I started to move around the room and look through everything. Clothes. A lot of old clothes and old pictures too. Shoes. The old record player. One pack of unopened cigarettes. I picked it up and observed it, twisting it in my hand.

Trying just one wouldn't be so bad, right? No Hinata! No. Just no. That's not a good idea...

And yet I found myself walking to and laying in the grass of our backyard... lighter and pack in hand.

"Just one," I said to myself as I opened the pack.

Light.

Inhale. Exhale. Cough. Repeat.

The taste wasn't good, but the feeling it gave me... was better than I was expecting, so I kept going until the whole thing burnt out. I stayed in that spot, staring at the clouds for hours until the sun had finally set. I got up to go in the house, and I headed to my room. I hadn't checked my phone all day, and as soon as I went to grab it, it began to ring. I saw Tsuki's name at the top of the screen, so I answered and put him on speaker while I got stuff ready for a bath.

"He-" I was cut off before I could get out the hello.

"HINATA. WHERE WERE YOU TODAY? ARE YOU OKAY? SHOULD I COME OVER?"

His words were running over each other. I don't think he'd ever been that worried about anything or anyone before.

"I'm fine. I just slept in late and decided to stay home," I said calmly.

          "Oh. Okay. I was just worried. You didn't answer anyone today, so I thought something might be wrong."

          "Yeah. Sorry I didn't call back or anything. I didn't mean to worry you, but I'm about to take a bath so I have to go."

          After I hung up, I grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom. I ran the water and got in after I grabbed what I called my best friend. I sat in the warm water and held my 'friend' to my forearm and slowly dragged it across, letting out a wince and then a pleasing sigh.

          "It's been too long," I whispered before I dropped my arm in the water, letting is turn a translucent red.

          I stayed there until the water became cold, and I felt uncomfortable. I put on clothes and went to my room. When I got in bed, my stomach began rumbling, but I just laid there staring out the window again.

I'll eat tomorrow.