undeveloped film

queen of aces: she is satya

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SHE ALWAYS STRUGGLED with the concept of identity. Who was she? What does she mean?

When she was younger, she felt that there was no way she could properly live life without a grasp on her identity. Without knowing who she truly was, what she stood for, what her purpose was, how could she live? How does someone navigate when they don't have a destination and everything they need to get there?

As she grew older, her philosophies changed as well. She began to see her identity as something she could cultivate through living. That it wasn't with her identity that she needed to live, but through living that she needed to figure out her identity.

She developed this idea that you don't need that final destination, you just need an idea of where you're going for now, and you need to know that you have tools. The rest you can figure out as it goes.

But what she also figured out as she gained more years in experience, is that she was real good at talking and believing and doing nothing, when it came to her philosophies.

It's a hard thing to explain to people. She does believe it when she says you need to live to discover who you are, yet she just can't seem to do it. And she wants to. And some days she does, and she's insanely proud of those moments. She hopes they happen more often.

(hope , that old fickle friend of hers)

There are many things that go into an identity. Some are inherent, like race and socio-economic status, age, height and weight and body type. But the relationships a person has with those demographics are constantly evolving. And there are some parts of identity that people find as they go. Sexual orientation, gender expression, personality, morals.

But most importantly, identity is made up of experiences. What people have lived through, things they've seen, choices they've made, they all shape and mould identity and who a person is.

That's the reason why it was impossible to figure out her identity before she started living. And as she lives and she grows, she thinks, maybe the mystical point of life is to find that identity and reforge it and play with it, until it becomes something she can die happy with.

She's young. She plans on living some more, finding out more about herself.

She has always struggled with the concept of identity. She has had philosophies which have grown with her, she has tried her hardest to figure out who she is. And though she is young, she already has reinvented herself many times over, reforging and adapting to adjust to her surroundings, fit into what she thinks she needs to be. She has spent many moons wondering just who she is and what she means, but now.

But now, she's decided to live. Not to find her identity, not to figure out the meaning of life, not to do anything special, really. Just live.

She is Satya, and although she doesn't quite understand what that means yet, that's alright. She'll figure it out.

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