Nothing important really happened if the last week. Just a bit of physical therapy. My social worker hadn't given up yet either. There was nothing for me to tell her, but she kept pushing on anyway. She was determined for me to tell her that my father abuses me. I could see the determination in her eyes. It's so easy to see.
Some of my scars faded, but only about 6. All the rest were visible, I guess the deeper ones last longer. That's great to know. I love the feeling of relief cutting gives me. It's so nice. And the blood is so pretty. I saw this one girl being rushed into the mental illness ward and her arm was cut after cut. It was beautiful, I want my arm to be like that. And I can't imagine the relief she must feel.
I took my blade and slit my wrist, it was pretty, but for some reason I couldn't cut deep. Like there was something holding me back that I didn't know of. I know silencer wouldn't be holding me back. There was no reason for him to. Oh well I guess.
I finished my essay and I asked my social worker if she could bring me my materials for my project. She told me no. When I asked why she walked away. Like what the hell did I do?
Everyone hates me I guess. It would be better for me to be dead, but for some reason I just couldn't cut really deep. It was almost a feeling like I would regret being dead. Like something was going to happen that hadn't happened yet. Something I would not want to miss, Oh well.
The days go by so slow here. Like everyday feels like a week. The only thing that's actually considerably fun is messaging my friend Racheal from Nebraska. She's nice but I don't usually tell her much. She doesn't know I'm on the hospital, and luckily nothing about silencer.
She told me she has a friend named Jordan who lives in North Dokato like me. She doesn't know where at though. Rachael told me that he's nice and maybe I should talk to him. Rachael knows she's basically my only friend. Well, only 'real' friend. So she wants me to have more friends. She gave me his oovoo and I messaged him. He seems pretty cool. Something about him is different though. I don't know what, but I can tell. I feel it, silencer sees it and doesn't like it. But I like it.
