A Good Man is Hard to Find

Chapter Thirteen

My mind drifts back to nine years ago when I came face to face with Ron Stallworth again. To my surprise, he wanted to arrange a visit with me in prison. To say I wanted to throttle and kill the bastard would be an understatement. After a lot of thought I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and agreed to a visit. He advised that himself, and his team were struck off the case in regards to the Klan and told to box it away and pretend like it never happened. For me that was great and I just sat back in my seat all smug and giggled. Ron confided that he wanted my help in taking them down once and for all. After I'd been released from prison, he instructed me to team up with Walter to gain a better insight to any further attacks that the Klan were planning. It took months of convincing before I reluctantly agreed as Ron bargained with me that he would give me a new identity after I'd given him all the information he required. It was too much of a good offer to refuse, I agreed and started to relay any information to Ron that I was getting from Walter and any of the other members who kept in touch with me whilst I was in prison. As soon as I got released Ron got me booked in for my plastic surgery procedures, once I healed he left me to my own devices and contacted me via phone so that I would be safe. Walter came up with the Flip plan and due to the nature of what I was dealing with and to avoid him getting suspicious of me, I had to go along with it. I had zero intentions to kill Flip from the start, that was certain, but what I never expected in a million years was to start to develop feelings for this man. Granted, I was angry at him for what happened to Felix and I wanted to see him suffer a little bit, but there was no way that I was going to hurt him. Now after everything that's happened and what Flip has done for me I know one thing for sure, keeping him from harm is my only priority.

***

As I wake the following morning Flip is not laying next to me and the entire house is completely dead silent. I check all the rooms, even the room Ron is staying in, but both of them have gone. I go into the kitchen to find a note scribbled in Flip's handwriting. "Hey doll, sorry I had to run out this morning and help Ron with a case of his. I'll be back this afternoon, stay safe." I put his note back down on the worktop and go upstairs to get changed. Not wanting to stay cooped up in this house all by myself for the day I decide to go out for a little stroll with Flip's dog Mikey around the neighborhood. It's the beginning of the Christmas season, all the houses are decorated with fairy lights, Christmas trees, and there must be a makeshift sleigh in every driveway that I pass by. My thoughts take me straight back to my son, where is he at this moment and who will he be celebrating Christmas Day with this year? These questions always fill my brain, especially at this time of year and on his birthday, all I want to know is that he is happy and well. Maybe one day I will go looking for him, when he is much older as I don't want to intrude on his life now at a such a young age. Mikey barks which distracts me from my thoughts and I look down to see what has unsettled him. He is barking up at me and then back at a church across the road, "What are you trying to tell me, boy?" I ask as I stroke his back. The barking continues, "You want me to go over there don't you?" I say with a smile. He stops barking and starts pulling me across the road, I don't stop him, I know that this has been a long time coming.

I walk into the church and it's a huge relief to be out of the cold weather. I leave Mikey outside as I know I won't be in here too long so I make my way down to the front and sit in one of the pews. I've never been a massive believer in religion, God or Jesus but just by sitting here I feel a wave of peace sweep through me. "Hello there Miss, how are you today?" I look up and see the priest walking towards me with a bible in his hand. He must be in his late sixties, he is bald with a grey mustache and he reminds me so much of my grandpa, who I was very close to growing up. "I'm well, thank you. I just wanted to sit here for a little while. It's been a long overdue visit," I reply with a small smile. "Is there anything you would like to share with me?" He asks gently. There is so much that I would like to say to him, pour my heart out, but my head is ruling my heart and I just respond with, "I've made a lot of mistakes and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to make up for them." The priest sits next to me in the pew and places his hand on top of mine, "My dear child, I don't know many things but I do know this, if you are truly sorry for what you've done God will forgive you." I shake my head and say, "It's not God that I'm looking for forgiveness from. I don't need religion, I need an exorcism. There are so many people I've potentially hurt in my life, I let down my sons, and there is this one man who is in my life at moment who I betrayed and I've lied to him. If he found out what I've done and who I was he would never want to see me ever again. I blamed my past relationships to justify my actions and now I know I was wrong. I should never have gone along with other people and what they believed was right, I should have taken my own lead. Now, because I've known this man I've quit my drug addiction, my mother and I are on speaking terms again, I finally found the confidence to sing my own songs in public and I'm slowly starting to forgive myself for my past mistakes. By knowing this amazing man I have been changed for good," I say trying to hold in the tears, but the lump in my throat takes over and I find myself sobbing into my hands. "In God we have redemption through his blood. Anyone can change and start afresh, it's never too late to redeem yourself. Maybe you should have a conversation with your gentleman friend and break it to him gently," he says. "It's something that I will never be able to divulge to him, it would probably be best to keep it to myself," I say as I stand up to leave. "That's fine, it's up to you. My advice would be to help him in some way, in a way that he wouldn't be able to help himself. One thing though, you need to forgive yourself and once you do that you'll set yourself free. Take care and remember there's always a place for you in God's home," he says optimistically. "Thank you Father," I reply as I leave the church, eager to get back to Mikey.