A Good Man is Hard to Find

Chapter Six

On the ice blue line of insanity is a place most never see
It's a hard won place of mystery, touch it but can't hold it
You work all your life, for that moment in time
It could come or pass you by it's a push shove world
But there's always a chance if the hunger stays the night
There's a cold kinetic heat
Struggling stretching for the peak
Never stopping with her head against the wind
She's a maniac, maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before
She's a maniac, maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before
It can cut you like a knife if the fight becomes the fire
On the wire between will and what will be
She's a maniac, maniac on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before

I finish my rendition of one of my favourite songs from the film Flashdance to the loudest applause of the night. Go figure, this must be a favourite film amongst the audience too, I rarely see people clapping for me after I finish a song, sometimes it's like I don't even exist up here.
Feeling parched I quickly climb down from the stage to grab a drink at the bar. For a Thursday night it's pretty busy in here, there's lots of office workers congregating around me. I can see one short, bald guy bragging about how he fired some young fella in his department. What a dick, I think to myself. He must be suffering from little man syndrome, so he feels the need to fuck up everyone else around him. Usually I would be quite vocal and I'd tell that arsehole exactly what I think of him, but tonight I can't be bothered to end up fighting someone, I'd rather be back at home with my feet up watching some shitty TV. "Hey girl, that was a brilliant version of that song. I almost thought that it was a song you had written," Tony the bartender says to me as he hands me my glass of red wine, he knows me so well. His compliment makes me blush. No one ever comments on my voice or performances, even my line manager just brushes me off as the average entertainer. Maybe I should have taken the job I was offered on the cruise liner and abandoned this Flip Zimmerman operation. I take a massive gulp of my wine, it's been the longest evening and I cannot wait to get back to my own place tonight as I got new keys cut earlier this afternoon. I can't for the life of me remember where I left my bag, thank God there was nothing of value in it. "Hey sweetheart, how you doing tonight?" I turn to my right and it's the same little guy who was bragging about how much of a dick he is to his employees. He's still in his work clothes and smells like a brewery, he needs a trip down the dentist too, his teeth are atrociously yellow and crooked. "I'm swell, thank you. Just having a drink with my dad," I reply smugly. He looks perplexed as there's no one sat next to me, "Oh, is he on his way over here?" He replies scanning the club. I laugh to myself and pick up the urn on the bar table, "No, he's here with me," I reply as I lift it up for him to see. He promptly backs off looking at me disgusted as he replies, "Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck are you on, what a freak!" I'm just about to reply with something derogatory when I hear a voice behind me. "Excuse me, that's no way to speak to a lady, is it?" My heart sinks, it's Flip. Fuck, what the hell is he doing here? The other guy looks as though he's seen a ghost. He quickly backs off and heads back towards his group of friends, the tough guy bravado has promptly been dropped. "You alright, May?" Flip asks me, looking concerned. I hate that he has just turned up like this and I'm completed unprepared. I was waiting for the right moment to bump into him at his local grocery store. "Fine, what are you doing here?" I ask as I cross my arms and try to read his expression. He looks completed different from how he usually looks, he's wearing a navy buttoned down shirt with black trousers and shiny black loafers. "I like your style, what you just did with that guy was clever. Tell me whose ashes are they?" Flip replies, looking bemused. "The previous owners, he died last year. You didn't answer my question, what are you doing here?" I ask getting slightly agitated, I need to tone it down a bit before he starts getting suspicious. "Your purse, you left it in my car the other night," he replies as he hands me my black leather bag. "Thanks that's very kind of you, you can go now," I say dismissively as I take another gulp of my wine, letting it go straight to my head. "Why are you so mad at me, have I done something wrong?" He asks me looking hurt. "Maybe nearly killing me with your reckless driving is the reason," I say smugly. Although I have to give it to him, he's come all this way to return a bag to a total stranger and he's just getting the cold shoulder from me. "I'm sorry, it's just been a very pessimistic day," I reply and smile warmly up at him. I'm wearing heels but he is still towering over me. He returns the smile with a grin, "It's ok, I have to say you've got an amazing voice." Oh no, how long has he been in the club and why would he want to listen to me sing when he could have just dropped my purse into the office at the back? "Oh, umm, thank you. I'm not exactly the next Madonna but it pays the bills and what not," I reply nervously. As if fate could hear our conversation Holiday by Madonna starts blaring through the speakers, I fucking need a good holiday I think to myself. Tony is looking at us both suspiciously as though Flip is my new boyfriend. I'm tempted to give him some sort of sign but Flip's eyes are burning into me. "Well, I think you sounded amazing. Can I get you another red wine, I think I'll stay for one too?" Flip says whilst smiling at Tony and taking his wallet out of his pocket. "Yes, please," I slur, the first glass is already making me feel lightheaded and tipsy. He takes the seat next to me and scans the club. I do the same and can see the dance floor is bursting at the seams, packed with people dancing and chatting. Neon signs align the walls, the high ceiling has some new awesome lights hanging from it and the DJ has started to play some 70's music, my favourite era. Our glasses get handed to us and Flip raises his to mine, "Cheers," I clink my glass with his and it accidentally slips through my fingers. I look on in horror as it smashes across the floor. Shit, what's wrong with me? I am a complete mess, I'm so nervous that Flip is here with me and I have no plan on what I'm going to do or say to him. "Oh my, I'm so sorry," I get down on my hands and knees, trying to pick up the shards of glass with my fingertips. "May, don't do that. I've got it," Tony says as he comes over to my side with a broom. I can feel bile rising in my throat and I quickly dash to the ladies bathroom where I am violently sick. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and take out the small packet in my pocket. After I've carefully made a line of cocaine at the sink I start to roll up a five dollar bill, I'm not an addict but sometimes I just need a little boost and God knows I certainly need it tonight. "What the fuck are you doing?!" I look in the mirror to see Flip standing over me looking furious. "Give me that!" He exclaims as he grabs the dollar from my hand and flicks the line of coke from the sink. "Just leave me the fuck alone! You haven't got a clue about me or my life," I scream trying to hold back the tears. "No, I don't. But I am with the police, right now you should be in handcuffs and I should be dragging you to the station to spend the night in jail." He says as he tries to compose himself. "Please don't! I can't lose my job, I don't have anything or anyone. I just needed something to help me get through this evening," I reply with tears streaming down my face. "Listen, I'm not going to arrest or detain you. But you need to stop this, do you want to end up in an early grave? I certainly don't want to see your face plastered on the news as another coke head that ended her life through an overdose," he says empathetically as he places his hands on my shoulders. "Can we just leave, I can't bear to stand here any longer?" I say tearfully. "Okay, come on then," Flip says as he leads me out of the restrooms. We go back to the bar and Tony looks at me like I've just died or something. "Maybe you should take her home, she doesn't seem herself tonight," Tony gestures towards Flip. "Good idea, come on May I'll take you home," he replies as he takes hold of my arm. I just want to get back to the safety of my own apartment, I need to get out of here right now. "No, I'm fine. Thanks for returning my purse, but I've got to go," and with that I leave Flip standing at the bar as I race through the dance floor and out into the street.