𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐄, j. potter

──thirty four

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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑
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JAMES' HEAD IS POUNDING. It's due to multiple reasons, of course, like the blinding fluorescent lights, the back and forth swinging of Lucas' leg, the nervous tapping of Remus' feet, Sirius' unrelenting pacing. And the clock. James hates the constant ticking, reminding him how long he'd been sitting in the damn hallway.

"Hospitals smell weird," Lucas told him as he looked around, making James smile.

"Yeah, it does," James agreed. "Are you hungry?"

Lucas didn't even look at him as he shook his head, attention completely taken by the group of healers huddled together.

"Tell me when you get hungry."

Lucas nods again and James goes back to watching the continuous ticking of the clock. He wonders, asking the same question he has been asking since Olivia had been taken.

How do you forgive yourself for the things you did not become?

How does he forgive himself for not being there, for not being the man he promised her to be? How do you forgive yourself after allowing the woman you love to slip through your fingers?

Lucas' hand goes to his arm, clutching the thick material of his coat. James turned to the little boy who watches the solemn healer walk towards them. James' jumps to his feet, hoping against all hope that it would be good news that the healer came to deliver.

But James knew that was not the case if the look on the healer's face was anything to go by and he felt his heart beating out of his chest as he approached them.

"Mr. Potter," the healer greets, managing to give him a small smile as she sees the anxiety clouding the man's face.

"How is she?" James immediately asked. The team had arrived less than two hours ago and due to the fact that both Samuel and Olivia were unconscious, they both got splinched. This should have been easy enough to deal with but the fact that Olivia is carrying two children and is extremely weak made it fatal.

"Due to her injuries, we've decided to perform an emergency cesarean," the healer told him slowly, making sure he understood each word.

"But she's only seven months in."

"The babies will be premature," she says. "But with enough care and a few weeks stay here, we're certain they'll survive. They're definitely not the first to be born a little earlier than planned."

James released a sigh of relief before the excitement set in. He'll be able to meet his kids soon. They're on their way to him and he couldn't wait. He turned to Lucas and his friends, who had been listening in on the conversation and his heart melted at the new shine on the little boy's eyes, looking just as, if not more, excited than him.

"But, Mr. Potter, I need you to know that there's a very slim chance of survival of both mother and children," the healer continues, instantly making James turn to her. "Which is why if it came down to it, when we're faced in a situation where we can only save one, we ask the family of the patient."

James' head was spinning again as his brain processed the words. Slim chance of survival keeps repeating again and again and James feels his eyes tearing up. "Are you-"

He stumbled back as the weight of the decision fell on his shoulders and he suddenly had an urge to scream till his throat hurts because it's so fucking unfair. They didn't deserve this.