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Chapter 3

(AN: This chapter is going to be sad. I know it's a lot to happen and a lot of angst but my friend told me to do it so I wil.)

Lin's 3rdPPOV

   As they subway halted to the stop near Lin's apartment he was in the middle of trying to get Groff to let him go alone. Just barely convincing him as it halted with a jolt. Lin hopped out of the cart waving goodbye to Groff before walking to his house.

   He stuck the key in the door opening it to a sight that made him sick. Nothing changed everything was just as they had left it. A peacoat of Vanessa's that she got at the first Miranda Family Christmas he took her still hung on the coat rack. She despised it as it itched and bunched in weird places, but she still hung it up because she said it was important to be greatful for the little things.

   The stupid decorative plate they bought from a thrift store as a way to jokingly fill their wall hung on there with a thin layer of dust collected on it from the 5 days since they dusted. He starts to cry a little as he remembers that day. Lin picked it of the store shelf to poke fun at but when he saw stars in her eyes he couldn't find it in him to insult the plate that made her so happy.

   He looked around seeing her everywhere, her little smiles and huge laughs. It pained him. Looking back at the wall anger bubbled inside him, how could it look as if nothing happened. The light of his life was gone and it felt as if the plate was mocking him. He pulled it off the wall and threw it across the room, immediately regretting his rage as he heard it crack.

   He just ruined one of the things Vanessa loved. How could he do that to her? His crying came back harder than before as he sank to his knees. He could barely breathe as sobs raked his body. As his crying continued the room he saw changed a bit, looking like it went back in time, before he had even met Vanessa.

   It turns out the life he had made with Vanessa wasn't the only thing coming back to him. He was also remembering a girl he dated years ago, Olivia. He had taken so long to realize the way she treated him was wrong. They way she would bruise him while using basic facts about him to put him down. He thought he had gotten over it but it seemed an though what she called him was still on his mind. He felt it was more true than ever. He felt so useless and selfish, maybe even worthless.

   Lin couldn't save her. He was there in the car. If he had reacted sooner maybe the bystander could have saved her. But as his crying slowed om the hauntingly quiet house he wondered if he even should have left her. If he didn't leave Olivia, Vanessa would still be alive. He wouldn't have caused the death of someone so perfectly made for greatness.

   He looked over to the mirror they had beside there TV. He wanted to smash it. Why was he the one who lived? Lin couldn't see any purpose to it. This trip down memory lane has got him feeling as though Olivia was right. He felt a numbing sort of pain travel through his veins as he rethought those past times.

   He was mad at himself. He should have seen it back then. Why did it take killing such an innocent girl to realize this? Why did he try to convince himself he didn't deserve that pain? As he saw it he had been lying to himself, all these years he thought he did the right thing, that he was a good person, now he knows better. Hes the wolf in sheep's clothing, lying to himself and to the world.

   Lin wanted to shut his mind out. He knew it was true he just couldn't take it. He practically ran to the kitchen before opening up a bottle of whiskey. As he opened it he remembered his first date with Vanessa, when she didn't want to say the word hate opting to say that she had a great distaste for whiskey and preferred wines, even if they were cheap. He only ever had a bottle or two of whiskey in the house when Vanessa moved in finding no reason to keep something no one would drink.

   Glancing over at the wine rack hanging next to the fridge he teared up noticing a bottle of aged Irish whiskey with a sticky note on it. Most likely written by Vanessa for a gift. He couldn't bare to look at it any longer turning his eyes to the floor and taking a long swig of whiskey. He didn't deserve to look at it anyway.

(AN: I don't know how I feel about this part. If you don't like it let me know and I be sure to change it. I thought it might be to much but decided not to bring it up with my friend. New chapter Wednesday, I won't have time to make it sooner because I won't have time to write. Till next time.)