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Chapter 4

Lin 3rdPPOV
  
   When morning came Lin woke up with the bottle empty next to him an old pain existing on his forearm. He let out a sound like a mix between a sob and a chuckle. He felt ashamed that this was what he had decided to do with Vanessa’s death. He still believed he should have been the one to die, but if he was the one that had survived, the least he could do is honor her. 
   He dried his eyes, a weakness settling itself in his bones. Dragging his tired body into his closet he stared at his feet not wanting to bring back any memories of the place this used to be.  He grabbed some random clothes off of a hanger and trudged into the bathroom.
    After putting on his clothes he realized his eyes had huge bags under them. Not wanting to worry anyone he grabbed some of Vanessa’s concealer putting it on with surprising accuracy learned from his time with Olivia. Thinking of Olivia,  he remembered the pain in his arm. Lifting up his sleeves he saw that his relapse was worse than he thought. 
   He wanted to puke, scream, or curl up in a ball and die. But instead he took 4 ibuprofen and left his house. He figured that he would be able to put on a show by the time he got to the theater. Hopping onto the subway he turned on one of his interviews and practiced the facial expressions he would need for the day.  
 
..........Time skip..........
 
   As he stood on the step of the theater, his heart rate picked up. Would he be able to fool the cast and stage workers? Would it be better if he just didn't show up? He shook his head, stuck a smile on his face, and walked in. He only saw the stage workers and said 'Hi' before rushing up to the dressing room. He got into his costume as quickly as he could making sure no one would be able to see any of his scars.
   As he stepped out of the dressing room, he saw that a couple of people had shown up. He took a deep breath and went around checking in on everyone and asking about their nights. It felt almost normal getting back on his schedule, the only difference was the inside of his head. 
   When Groff arrived he went back into their shared dressing room to finish getting ready for the 2 show day. As they both got ready Groff decided to do a check in, worried about Lin.
   "How was your night?"
   "Good."
   "Did you do anything?"
   "Not really?"
   After the short conversation Jonathan was more worried than before but figured that he couldn't do anything about it yet.

(AN: Sorry that it was so late and short, next chapter will be out on Friday. Thanks for sticking with me.)