Stuttering Anxiety

Who Knows Who

AN: Talk of scarring from previous self-harm. I personally have never done it but I know many people who did and understand how hard it is to stop. If you need help, please reach out.

Later that night, I was standing in the washroom with everyone else while the nightly game of cards went on. For some reason Billy wasn't allowed to play and by extension I wasn't either. We stood watching the game. Billy was leaning against the wall, half hidden, and I stood next to him, watching the floor. Harding, Chadwick, Martini, and Taber were playing. Taber kept looking over at me, checking on me.

"So is what Ratched said true (Y/N)?" Harding spoke. I slowly looked up at him. "About the depression. Is it true?" I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt Billy take my hand. Everyone was looking at me now. I slowly nodded.

"Yeah. What's it to you Hardon?" I shot back, using the nickname that the others had bestowed on him. A chuckle rose up in the room. Harding shot me a dirty look from the card table. "Not like it actually matters to you. No more than you not being able to pleasure your wife actually matters to me." Harding stood up from the table, hitting the edge and sending it into Taber's stomach. He stood up as well.

"Watch it Harding." Taber threatened. Harding sent a glare at Taber before focusing on me again.

"Why didn't you disclose it?" Harding pushed. I squeezed Billy's hand, my temper flaring more than my anxiety. "What made you honestly think they wouldn't find out?" I took a step towards Harding.

"You better watch it Hardon." I ground out. "If I take this far enough, I can turn your voluntary stay into a permanent one." Harding recoiled. Whether it was in fear of my threat or the wild look in my eyes, I'll never know. "You have no clue who you are messing with Harding. I'd watch your step around me." Billy tugged on my hand to pull me back. I used it to ground me.

"And who exactly am I messing with?" Harding seemed amused by Billy's actions and my easy submission to them.

"Your worst nightmare." I barked. Harding took a step back before taking his winnings from the table and exiting the room. "Anyone else?" The room went back to what they were doing before Harding decided to pick a fight with me. Taber came over and patted my back.

"Never knew you had it in ya (Y/N)." He laughed before going back and taking up the dealer's position in the card game. Billy came out from his spot behind the wall.

"That that w-w-was p-p-pretty b-brave of y-you." He said. I shrugged as the wild look left my eyes and my temper cooled off.

"I was tired of him thinking that he ran the place." I turned to look at him. In the distance, I could hear Harding complaining to someone. I made my way to the door with Billy right behind me.

"(Y/N) is related to who?!" I heard Harding exclaim. I chuckled as I leaned against the door. "How the hell did a senator's cousin get put in this place?!" I waved as he turned around.

"I told you. You have no clue who you are messing with, Harding." I called out. "I'd watch my step around me if I were you." Harding shot a glare at me before running off into the living quarters. I laughed as I turned around and nearly ran into Billy. "Sorry." Billy smiled at me but cocked his head.

"Y-you're the the s-s-senator's c-c-cousin?" He asked. I nodded. "Th-the one who who n-nearly b-b-broke d-d-down at h-his c-c-campaign r-rally?" I nodded again and rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly.

"Yeah. That was me." I chuckled. "To be completely honest, the news ran with that story far too much. And it was actually a whole lot worse than they made it out to be." I walked back into the day room.

"H-how m-much w-w-worse?" Billy asked. I turned back towards him and played with the sleeves of my shirt. Finally I decided that if I didn't trust Billy now after all he had done for me, I never would.