I never knew I could be this person ..
Being strong was no fun but shit when you get placed in a role ..
You gotta do yo best shit..
First I had to learn how to love me ..
Being alone was a huge part of that ..
Nobody checking on you when you doing bad.
But when you up they text and call right back ..
Sometimes I fall back ..
Self check myself ..
I had to realize that if I wasn't apart of my starting line up ..
How could I ball hard for anyone else..
Got up out my feelings..
Because truthfully I almost forgot I had those..
And when the nigga I was fucking with tried to cross me ..
Like I wasn't the boss ass bitch who put him on.
Like I wasn't the plug making the plays , all in a days work, from conversations and being well known..
I told that nigga pack his damn clothes and there was the damn doe.
I was like damn though ...
Thinking to myself ..
Because we all know how those feelings rise to the surface ..
When a nigga dictates your purposes ..
Makes you feel worthless..
Like you ain't have the juice before you met the mothafucka..
yea.. it was time for self recognition..
I needed to start paying attention, to the shit that made me feel uncomfortable..
Compared every situation to "if the shoe fits wear it" but sometimes I was forcing it..
Trynna be everything I wasn't..
Trynna be consistent on my search for love and...
The only thing I was missing was myself..
I had to show up.
Be present.
Be my own blessing.
Take every loss as a lesson ..
and start from chapter one .
