We Can Be Mended (Divergent fanfic)

Chapter 23

The phone rings dead in my ear. A gentle buzzing sound - too soft to match the panic rising in my chest and making my vision go black. The phone slips from my sweaty palm and drops into my lap - a dead weight.
My gaze shifts to Tobias, although I can barely see him through the darkening clouds obscuring my vision.
"What do we do?" I try to say, but my voice comes out raspy and inaudible.
Vaguely, I register Tobias standing up and pacing across the room. The deafening crash of glass shattering hammers through my body. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tobias shove a vase off the side table in a moment of panic. Still I do nothing. Unable to speak. Unable to move. My breathing is too fast. I can feel myself being sucked into the pit in my own mind, but there is nothing I can do but try my best to cling onto sanity just for a little bit longer.
Tobias's face appears in front of my own, his features are twisted with fear.
He doesn't say anything, but even his presence calms me down enough to snap me back into reality. The fog in my mind is still there but I can just about see through it. I have to be strong. I have to help Christina.
"We have to find her," I say, forcing my voice to sound natural, although it still comes out small and strained.
Rising to my feet, I start towards the door, but Tobias's hand on my arm prevent me from getting far.
"You can't be serious," I look at him indignantly. "Tris don't be an idiot!"
I turn back towards the door, but his grip on my arm is impossibly firm.
"The only reason they've gone after her is either to bait you or to torture her into telling them where you are!"
My body visibly shudders at the word torture and a flash of guilt passes over Tobias's face.
I know that he is right, but if they are torturing her because of me, then that just confirms that it is my responsibility to help her.
"What do you suggest we do?" I almost shout, anger momentarily ridding me of the panic, "we can't leave her with them. The stuff they could do to her-" I break off, not able to bear even thinking about it.
"I know Tris but-"
"No you don't." I say it so quietly that I am surprised he even heard it. My gaze falls somewhere south of his eyes. He doesn't know. He can't know. I may have told him half the story, but there is some stuff that I cannot bear to even think about, mind talk about.
He sighs and looks away, hurt crossing his features. "Sorry," he says quietly, looking at his feet, "you're right, I don't know but-" his hands twist together anxiously, "but if you go there now, they will just do it to you all over again."
I can't breathe. I know deep down that everything he is saying makes sense. I can't go back there. I can't go back to that place again for another lifetime of torture. But it appears that the abnegation in me is even stronger than the fear.
"We have to help her," I tell him, finally meeting his eye. I will not leave my best friend to die because of me. I will not.
Tobias chews on his lip, weighing up the few options we have.
"I'll go," he says eventually, "you stay here and-"
I almost laugh, "surely you know me well enough to know that that is not going to happen!" I shout, making another move towards the front door.
Once again, his hand yanks me back. I try to pull my arm free, but his grip does not falter. He grabs the other arm and holds me in front of him. His fingers dig into my skin but I barely feel it over the frustration pouring through my veins.
"God dammit Tris, I will tie you up in this house if that's what it takes to stop you going!" His voice is loud with frustration, but that does not scare me as much as when it is quiet. I can see the fear in his eyes - not just for Christina but for me. My stomach pinches with guilt, but I cannot let him put himself in danger as well whilst I sit in safety and wait.
His eyes plead with me to understand, but I cannot let him do this.
"Tris you are in far more danger than I am. If they catch you again..." he trails off. He knows as well as I do that there is nothing that will make me back down. He shuts his eyes and let's go of my arms in defeat, his hands dropping to his sides heavily.
"Please Tris."
I look up at his pained expression, "I'm sorry, but we're losing time."
Ignoring the guilt twisting in my stomach and the panic seeping through my veins, I head towards the front door.
~~~
Johanna's car races up the road, screeching to a stop in front of Christina's apartment. My hands ache from gripping my seat - I am certain that we broke almost every speed limit.
Flinging open the door, I leap out, closely followed by Tobias. Looking around, I see nothing out of the ordinary, but that means nothing. Whoever these people are, they won't want to make a scene.
A hand grabs my arm, making me jump. I whip round, ready to throw a punch if need be, only to find Tobias ducking my fist.
My arm drops to my side and I look up at him awkwardly, "sorry, I'm a little on edge."
His eyebrows are turned in, but he doesn't seem particularly worried about me. His eyes flick about nervously, picking up on every tiny movement that catches his eye. Confirming that nobody was around, he reaches behind him and pulls a gun from his waist band, placing it in my hand. I let it hang there awkwardly, not daring to wrap my hands around the cold metal.
"I haven't shot one since the bureau," I croak, staring at the shiny pistol in my hand.
Tobias takes my hand and wraps my fingers around the barrel. I gasp at the feeling of hard, unyielding metal. But somehow I manage to kill the rising panic in my chest. It probably has something to do with his strong hands still wrapped comfortingly around mine.
"Just in case," he says, his deep blue eyes digging into mine, "you don't have to use it."
Forcing a breath into my lungs, I nod. His fingers uncurl from mine, leaving my hands cold. Shoving the gun under my waistband, I move onwards because I know it is my only option.
Reaching the door, I buzz Christina's apartment. Even though I know how unlikely it is that she will answer, a part of me still deflates when silence rings through the speaker.
Tobias glances over his shoulder before holding his gun against the key hole and firing once.
The blast makes my ears ring. My heart stops momentarily as we wait, unmoving, for someone to notice the sound.
Nothing happens.
Tobias nudges the door open with his foot, the lock now broken. Once inside, he grabs my hand and starts to sprint up the stairs, dragging me behind him.
We turn the corner before Christina's apartment, breathing heavily. I lean against the wall, focusing on catching my breath. Six years in a cell haven't done much for my fitness. Glancing to the side, I realise that Tobias is staring at Christina's door - left slightly ajar. His eyes flicker back to mine, his expression filled with dread. Clutching my gun with sweaty palms, I follow him into the apartment. My heart pounds against my ribs and I am struggling to draw enough air into my lungs.
But there is no one here.
The apartment is completely empty, left almost exactly as it was. No sign of a struggle.
"Christina?" Tobias's voice echoes around the room. No reply.
My heart sinks even further.
Something catches my eye. I wander across the room, crouching down next to a small object on the floor. Christina's phone. The screen is smashed, the glass scattered across the floorboards.
I hear Tobias's footsteps behind me and his hand resting on my shoulder. I glance up at him, the fear on his face reflected in my own.
I don't know what happened here, but Christina is gone. And by the looks of it, she is in a lot of trouble.