Styles Games {h.s} |Editing soon|

Chapter Nine

I was the outcast to my mother's love but that doesn't make me weak. It just made me fucked up in a couple ways. I had an appointment with Dr. Franklin today. Linda was one of the finest in New York and I've managed to get far with her. I didn't with the others. I always felt forced to do so and felt like they only cared because they got paid the money my mother was ditching out to fix her "awful" daughter.

Linda's office was small but it made it much more comfortable. A leather brown sofa sat against a beige wall. A small glass coffee table in the middle held sweets and drinks. The rug was navy but it shined with all the browns. Her chair was placed straight across the sofa with her desk towards the back. Her office was basically a second home.

I don't extend my trust to a lot of people as it is. It was the one thing that my mother bent. She would always tell me she was coming to school events and never showed up. I watched all the other mother's sit with their daughters and have fun but I just got pulled to the side by the teacher with a sad look telling me my mother called and couldn't make it.

It was nice knowing Maggie showed up to some but it just wasn't the same. I sometimes even told my friends that she was my mom. My mother moved me to a private school when I was 12 and I didn't fit in with any of the other girls. She only did it because her work friends were bragging about sending their kids to it so she had to for show. She didn't even ask me how I felt about it.

"We had sex again" I told Linda as soon as I walked it. I couldn't help but get it off my chest. I'm always on the verge of my seat when talking about something interesting in my life that doesn't involve my emotions as a kid.

"I'm confused. Your face is bright and smiley but your voice is full of regrets. Why is that?" She wasn't wrong. I'm starting to rethink this whole no strings attached deal.

"We agreed to have a friends with benefits type of deal. I wanted it. I do want it but I'm scared I'm not cut out for it. If you spent just 5 minutes around him.. You'd love him. There isn't one thing that isn't attractive about him." I lay down on the sofa like it was a bed.

"You don't think your good enough for him.. Do you?" I look at her.

"Right. He approached me with this type of thing which is also weird. I'm not his type"

"How do you know his type?" She raises a brow.

"I did some research on him. He is usually seen with blondes. He was also engaged once.. I just bet she was blonde too."

"You seem jealous"

"I'm not. I just find it weird that is all. He has other choices or maybe this won't last as long as I'm thinking. I'm replaceable." I inhale sharply.

"You aren't unloveable Melanie. The adults you had around you failed you terribly. It doesn't mean you were the unlovable one . They made shitty choices and treated you like shit. That will forever be on them. It isn't a reflection of you." I sat back up and pulled a pillow to my chest.

"He makes me feel so sexy. I've never felt that before. It is a weird feeling of being wanted that I'm just not used too besides with Carny. I don't know why it feels like something I shouldn't be feeling. It is like I'm cheating on myself."

"You give yourself a hard time wanting things you've been told your whole life you shouldn't want. You have this big smile when talking about him. I haven't seen you this happy in awhile. You deserve so much." I wanted to wrap her in a large hug.

"I want to try so many fun things with him. I'm seeing him this weekend. I'm really excited." She pulls the glasses up on her face.

"Tell me how he looks" I lean up.

"He has long hair with curls. He is tall and has tattoos. He has the cutest smile and a wicked smirk that would make your stomach flutter and his hands oh my god the things they can do. I'm convinced he was sculpted by the gods. I was attracted to him instantly. Talking about him right now makes me miss being around him." I fiddled with my hands.

"I'm going to get my nails done tomorrow. I might even buy new perfume. I want to smell good as well." I debated if I should bring up the lingerie but I've shared a lot of personal stuff already and she never gives me a judgemental look.

"You can tell me anything" she looks at me with a smile like she can read my mind.

"He sent lingerie into my work today as a gift for this weekend. I know it is for him just as much but the thought of him picking it out makes me happy." I see the concerns in her eyes.

"You do understand the whole thing right? I don't want you to get your hopes up because that would crush you." I nod.

"I'm handling it one day at a time. I'm going to try and make that new rule. That is the least I can do for myself. I'm letting my life slip by and just existing. That is what it feels like. I can drown myself in pity but who wants that? You've heard enough of it. I've dealt with enough of it. I'll have bad days of course but I'm going to take it slow. I'm only defined by me." She stands up and holds her arms out.

"I'm proud of you." I wrapped my arms around her. The hug felt like I was floating. It felt good. I felt good.

"Today's session was good. Thank you for always listening" she waves her hand in the air.

"Don't thank me for doing my job!" She smiles.

"I'm going to head out! I just now thought of getting my hair down as well. I might even cut it! Who knows?" I grabbed my bag before rushing down the hall and out of the building.

Richard smiles at me before opening the rear door.

"I got another note for you. He seems to get his hands on things fast." I was handed a folded piece of paper before I got in and waited for Richard to pull out to read it.

"My favorite color is red if you hadn't noticed already but black is a close second. I told you something about me. Your turn, -H"

I get in before pulling out a note

"My favorite color is black. I guess we do have something in common besides the awesome sex."

"Richard. I know you can find a way to get this to harry. Contact someone he works with and have them write it down and deliver it to his office." Richard overhears everything in my life and it isn't even his fault. I feel bad he has to drive me back and forth.

We pull up at the hair salon. I could only get in today so I took it.

"What are we doing today girl?" The hairstylist played with my long hair.

"I was thinking about adding blonde" Her eyes light up.

"I couldn't agree more!"