Innocent Son

Chapter Two

The plane ride was long. I ended up sleeping most of it away. An attempt to keep my mind off of the case for a little while. With about an hour left in the flight, Reid came and sat himself in the seat across from the one I was sitting in. I was worried that he might do something that would alert the team that we were together because although Hotch and Reid had told them they were together, it would be a whole other ball game if they came out to say they were in a polyamorous relationship with someone younger than both of them. He gave me a small smile and leaned back in his seat. In his hand he had a book. I assumed it was one of the dozen he brought with him for the flights and very little downtime we had during cases.

"What are you reading?" I hoped that asking would avoid me having to talk about myself. Having him talk about the book for what was left of the flight. I always loved listening to him talk so passionately about the things he was learning. It never failed to amuse me how intense and eager he was to explain to us about whatever had intrigued his genius. Though I was taking advantage of it for my own selfish purposes this time.

"Friedrich Nietzsche's The Birth of Tragedy out of the Spirit of Music, which was his first work." I smiled at his pronunciation of the German philosopher's name. He was an incredibly intelligent man but accents were not his strong suit. "I'm reading it in the original German."

"For your degree?" I ask.

"No, just some light reading for the flight."

"You finished it hours ago." The book wasn't really in his hands to talk about, it was to get my attention. He gave me a sheepish grin. He placed it on the table between us. He played me before I even tried to play him, knowing I could listen to him ramble for hours.

"I did."

"Would you tell me about it?" I tried, even though I knew he was going to shut it down.

"As much as I would love to, I was hoping I could talk to you about something else."

"Promise you'll tell me about it later?"

"Of course." He paused, sighing before speaking again. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." The words were colder and harsher than I meant for them to be. I tore away from his gaze and looked down at his tie which was crooked and loose around his neck. I didn't want to make eye contact. I felt like I was being confronted, and with this being the second time I've been asked, I didn't want to keep having the same conversation over and over.

"You seemed more disturbed by this case than others." His voice lowered.

"What are you saying?" I was becoming more defensive the more he poked at it.

"What I'm saying is I think you've got a personal connection to this case and it's bothering you." I gulped, behaviourally indicating to him that he was right. I knew I was going to have to make something up. I couldn't tell him I was trans or that I was uncomfortable with the case. I didn't want them to think that I couldn't work it.

"No it's not that. I just didn't get a good sleep last night is all." I retracted my gaze even further from Reid. I fiddled with the button on my shirt with my fingers. "I'm fine, Reid. " I looked up at him for a moment, making eye contact as if to solidify my statement. His face was riddled with concern. I felt bad. "Could you just tell me about Nietzsche?" I ask in an almost child-like tone. The hardness from my voice replaced with a quivering and vulnerable softness.

"I care about you. We care about you." He leaned in as if to make sure the rest of the team couldn't hear us. "You can tell us anything," He gestured to Hotch, sitting near the front of the plane with JJ and Rossi "we just want you to be happy." I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. I wanted to tell them. I did. I wanted them to know but the fear of how they would react or how my superiors would react was far greater than the need to come out. I nodded my head. I knew they loved me no matter what, and I knew I'd have to tell them eventually. But not now. Reid leaned back in his seat, taking the book back in his hands that he had placed on the table, admiring the cover for a moment before speaking.

"This book, being his first, was really revolutionary in terms of his philosophical theory..."