Words Without Songs

Words Without Songs, Part II

I put the radio on in the car for some “music to reflect by.”  Didn’t that same song by the Marvellettes come on.  What can this mean?

 

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What is the difference between thinking and reflecting?  When a religious person thinks, that is called reflecting...

 Let me be a little more serious on that one!  Well, no, maybe not.  I think of all kinds of things, and I think very little that I would be ashamed to have God listen in on.  I have occasionally wanted to murder someone, and thought about that. This is not okay with God, I am sure.  However, I seem to have been created as a person who thinks a lot, maybe too much.  So I glorify God with my curious thoughts and wonderings.  I include God in my mental conversations. Thinking, prayer, reflection.  Life itself.  All prayer.  Sometimes I try to be quiet.  God wants to talk sometimes, too.

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Hanging on my wall right now is a picture from an art book on the life of Jesus, He Was One of Us.  It is the page that shows the Syro-Phoenician woman coming persistently after Jesus, demanding the healing of her daughter.  The scripture passage is paraphrased: “The woman is beginning to be a pain.  Jesus ought to do something about her.”  I am always challenging Him to do something about me, because many people consider me to be a pain.  So far He has been very tolerant.

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Kneeling in church and looking up at the cross, I couldn’t help but say to You, Lord, well, intermittently I feel that things are a bit hard but I’ll tell you, I’ll take this over crucifixion any day.

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 I take Lent very seriously (I take all the liturgical seasons outside of ordinary time seriously, but Lent most seriously of all).  Usually Ash Wednesday catches me by surprise, and I begin Lent thinking, “I’m not ready!”  This year, I feel ready.

 In the past these beginning-of-Lent words “return to me” meant my having to do a 180 degree turn.  Today I feel it is a more acute angle.  This is progress.

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[I have been told that I must leave the community.  They would like me to go as soon as possible.  I must decide between returning to my parents’ home or trying to find a job and a place to live in a very short time.]                                                                  

 I have not prayed at all today.  I hope You don’t mind.  I have been so very, very busy.  Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself.  My clients used to tell me that it was astounding to see how quickly I could come up with plans, alternatives, and solutions for them.  In fact, I had to learn to hold back and make sure the client was really asking for help.  These last two days, I have been my own client and I am following all the good advice on job-hunting that I used to give out.  I am scattering resumes far and wide, I am not worrying about location or if I am perfectly qualified or if it is just the job I want.  I will see who calls me for an interview.  I feel confident, perhaps foolishly so.