Musings of a Loud Mind

i see you everywhere

papers and pens lying around on the table,

the dishes haven't been washed in days,

everything is a mess and everywhere i turn,

all i see is you.

you're there in the books on the coffee table

and in the rice in the pantry and in the juice

in the fridge. you're in the way the flowers have

been arranged in the vase.

you're in the pens that are scattered everywhere,

the little notes you left, the pillows on the sofa

and in the way the walls have been scribbled in ink.

you're in the mantle too.

you're in my closet, the way my clothes have been arranged,

in the bathroom, with way too many hair products

you use. you're in the huge number of hair ties around the house

and in the way everything is not where it's supposed to be.

you're in the mirror too, in the mirror that fogs up whenever

i turn on the shower and in the closet mirror.

you're in the reflection of the silent TV

and the glass on the dining table.

you're the reflection that stares back at me whenever

i brush, the silent, pleading gaze that you've adopted

after months of the angry look and the disappointed stare.

you're even in my head.

you're everywhere, in the cracks and the shards of

a life that was meaningless and close to death.

you're in the way the cracks splinter and the glass

shakes, unyielding but trembles, weak and rotten.

you're in the way my hands tremble before grasping someone else's

in the panic i feel in front of a crowd and in the middle

of a group. you're in the way i second-guess myself,

but i'm not you.

you maybe in all the things that make me,

but i am not you. no, i am much better,

and you would think that after months of being locked

in your own head,

you would give up by now.