MY LOVER MY WIFE...

chapter 38...

KHUSHI : I hate you

ARNAV : I hate myself more than you ever could

KHUSHI : I hate myself for having loved you 

ARNAV: khushi am sorry

"sorry doesn't sweeten my tea," khushi says as she walks past him but arnav grabs her hand....

"let go of my hand," she says as she tries to hold back the seething torrent of tears that have been building up since the moment arnav kissed her but arnav just hugs her from behind and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him and rests his chin against her shoulder...

"You shouldn't have kissed me like that!" she finds herself gasping, caught in an array of feelings and trying to regain her sense in his arms....

"How......how would you have preferred to be kissed?"....he says and khushi struggles against him

"am not in any mood for your jokes arnav."

"am not joking."

"you cant say things like that to me, let go of me arnav.." she says but arnav just holds on tighter...

"i know your angry at what i did...and you can lash out and hit me again if you wish to but just calm..don't walk off...i found the keys right after you had asked for my phone...let me drop you home..."

"why....why cant you just leave me alone...why cant you just stay out of my life arnav?" she says as she chokes out her words between sniffles from crying. Her breathing is ragged but slow as a few tears roll down but arnav holds onto her.... he turns her to him and hugs her as she cries in his arms until she eventually stops and then he pulls her away slowly  looking into her eyes, her face is still wet and she takes in a sharp breath as he wipes the tears away with his fingers.

KHUSHI: why?? why would you kiss me? why would you do that after everything?

ARNAV: am sorry, i know i messed up... I always mess things up … because I do the wrong things, say the wrong things, and then when I have the chance to say the right thing I just let it go. But I can’t do that, not this time...

Khushi isn't sure where arnav is going with this, “So …”

“So, I’m saying, I kissed you because i love you..i never stopped loving you....even after you were gone," he says and it takes him a world of effort to get the words out. “I feel like I didn’t make that clear enough. I love you khushi..its you...its only you...it has always been you...i love you."

KHUSHI : stop talking

ARNAV: hear me out

KHUSHI : no

ARNAV: please

KHUSHI : you dont have the right to say you love me...you dont....not after everything

ARNAV: khushi just listen to me

KHUSHI : no...what do you think was going to happen?? that you would kiss me and then you would tell me you love me and that would be it...i will just come back running back to you

ARNAV: that's not it

KHUSHI : that's exactly it...if you loved me...you would have chosen me...you didn't...so don't ever tell me that you love me...your love wasnt enough to chose me...but i chose you everytime...i didn't care about my self respect, it didnt matter what anyone thought of me, i didn't matter who got hurt, it didn't matter if you hurt me over and over....i chose you...i chose to love you despite everything but you couldn't

ARNAV: i should have

KHUSHI : but you didn't

ARNAV: am sorry