Chapter5.

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Hey sweeties, 

Chapter 5, I hope you like it and pleas let me know what you think!! :) 

Warning: Selfharm stop reading when you see : (---) and start when see (---) again. :) 

XoxoxDebje

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'So his name is Harry', Louis ask after I told him about my name job and my buss. Yep Harry is my boss, the job had belonged to his dad, but after he and his mom divorced, Harry took over the shop. He had been working with his boyfriend for two years, after Harry left school on his 16th birthday. His boyfriend, which I didn't know the name of yet, found another job next to this one and that's the reason they looked for new staff.

'Yep and he's 18 doesn't go to school anymore and he has a boyfriend', I said smiling. 'And you said I only picked gay guys', Louis said smirking. 'But I'm not living with them', I mocked. 'Don't be afraid hun, Zayn already took Liam out tonight', He said laughing. 'They couldn't stop looking at each other the whole time'. 'How's Liam like', I ask shy, but yeah don't blame me. Like I said I need to live with those guys to one day. 'He's 19 and comes from Wolverhampton, he works as a sing teacher at the same school where a give drama class', Louis said smiling wide. 'Omg Louis!! that's awesome', I said but me smile wasn't so real looking.

'What's with the long face babe', Louis ask curious and worried. 'It's just that I wish I could be there', I said pouting. 'Niall we already talk about this before, I want you here to but you really have to finish school first', Louis said smiling. I nodded, 'I love you Lou'. 'I love you to Ni, I'll see you tomorrow okay'. I nodded and we said our goodbye's.

That night I lay in curled up in bed crying, I thought he would be proud when I told him I found a job. I told my parents when we ate dinner that I found a job and told them about Harry. My mother was proud I could see it in her eyes, even when my dad start yelling about being worthless. He told I only got the job because Harry was gay to and just as disgusting as I was, he said we were a shame for this world. I don't even know if he is my dad anymore.

'Niall babe', I heard my mom from outside my room. 'I know you hurt babe, I'm so sorry I can't do anything', She said. 'It's alright mom, don't worry', I said and I could hear her sigh and walk away.

I got up shakily and crying. I don't know what to do anymore, noone wants me. Louis is the only reason I'm still breathing, the reason I wake up, the reason I smile, the reason I go to school. But why would he even want me, I mean look at me, I'm ugly and worthless just like my father said. I can't do anything, I bet Louis only likes me because he thinks I'm weak. He probably laugh about me with his housemates right now.

(---)

I walked into my bathroom, which was in my room, and switch on the light. It was already late, probably 11PM and I looked awful in the mirror. My eyes were deep red from crying and my hair was in all directions. I understand why noone wants me, look at me, 'I'm ugly and worthless', I told myself and opened my sideboard. Suddenly my eyes cashed a shining light, I picked up the blade and slight down the cold bathroom walls. I pulled the blade against my arms, not my wrist because they would notice that. Slightly pressed the cold blade down into my flesh.

'Your ugly Niall', One cut.

'Your worthless Niall', Two cut.

'You’re a faggot', Three cut.

I scrunched at the pain but smiled down when I saw the blood drop down my arm. Three cuts because it's my favo and lucky number. I got up put the blade away and my arm under the tub. After that I bandaged it and got under the covers. The only think being on my mind is Louis, wishing I could be in his arms one day.

(---)

I couldn't really sleep anyway, mostly because I had to deal with school the next morning. I nice thing was It was my favorite day again, art glass. I was looking forward to only have three hours of something I liked to do. And I could show Zayn what I made, maybe he could be proud of me.

I didn't even care about the fact I didn't even know him. I just know I need people who I could make proud of something I did. I know my mom would be proud and Louis. But It was nice to know some new people. Also I started my new job tomorrow night and I was being excited, I just hope it was going to be a good day for ones.

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