Inside of my Mind

Roller-coaster to Hell

Just when I thought you had learned your lesson... Just when I thought you were getting better... Just when I thought we were getting closer you go and do this. Do you think it would have solved anything? I almost lost you. For good. There was no going back in time and changing things, you almost died. YOU ALMOST FUCKING DIED. What did you think would happen when you took those pills? Did you think that all of your problems would dissapear? That you would forget about the situation and move on? You have been clean from drugs from so freaking long and you go and pull this bullshit?? And then you blame it on her for breaking your heart!?! You DO NOT get to do that. You do not get to push all of this on someone else because in the end, you were the one who chose to take those pills. You were the one who chose to go back to that point in your life. You are the one who broke my heart. I deny it over and over and over again and where am I left? Crying my eyes out because I thought you were dead. I thought you weren't going to make it. The whole day at school after I heard about your 'incedent' your 'accidental overdose' I assumed the worst and I didn't even know what to think. I couldn't even cry at first because I was in shock. I slept through all my classes and don't remember a thing that happened or was said to me that day. I couldn't think about it. I couldn't cry. And then I get home and find out you are okay and I cried my eyes out because I was so thankful, yet I was so angry. I was so mad that you would try something like that. And of course you being you, you're able to cheer me up easily and by the time I go to bed, I'm already thinking about Friday when you'll be back to school. Then tomorrow comes, Wednesday. and guess who's leaving me again? With no contact? Moving schools? Getting their phone taken up? You. This time the realization hit right away and I cried and I scratched at my chest because it hurt, I hurt. My chest hurt. My bones hurt. Everything just hurt. So I guess this is goodbye for good. I guess this is where we leave off because if I even have any hope that you'll be coming back to school they might just get crushed... again. And I can't stand that kind of pain. So now I get to live through the rest of high school knowing that I wasn't good enough to help you. I wasn't good enough to be there for you. I wasn't good enough at all. Thank you so much for showing me these things. Thank you so much for showing me what a hypocritcal asshole you are. Thank you for showing me that trust is just a word and that friendship isn't a forever. Thank you for opening my eyes to the cruelty of love. Thank you for showing me that second-chances are worth shit because in the end everything goes. In the end the beautiful flower you grew and blossomed is eventually going to die. Everything beautiful dies. Everything. Thanks. You were my free ride to Hell. Now I get to burn.