*9 years later*
Ever since that unfaithful day, I've been miserable.
I've blocked everyone out.
My husband.
My kids.
My father.
My friends.
Everyone.
Everyone tries to talk to me, but I just ignore him.
I could have protected her better.
What kind of mother am I?
It should have been me.
I should move on, but I just can't.
After a few months, Elijah tried to clean out her room.
I wouldn't let him.
I've kept her room the same since she left. I sleep in it every night.
I haven't eaten properly in 9 years. I haven't slept properly in 9 years. I just haven't been myself.
It's like my life has just been ripped away from me and I'm just a hollow shell of my former self.
Whenever Ria asked me to come to her volleyball games. I don't go.
Kendell always tells me his baseball schedule. I don't care.
Ria is now 21 and out of the house and has her own apartment a few minutes away from here. She has a handsome mate that is perfect for her and a baby boy on the way. I haven't spoken to her since she left for college at 18.
Kendell is now 15, almost 16, and he just grows more and more everyday. He's almost as tall as his father. He has given up on trying.
Elijah. He tries, but I don't budge. Sometimes I hear him cry at night, but I don't go to him. I'm surprised he hasn't given up yet.
One time, I left him a note and told him to leave me. Take the kids and go have a better life without me. But that man is just as stubborn as me and said no to my face before closing the door and walking away.
My wolf has shut me out too. Not that I blame her.
I blame myself. I blame myself for everything. It's my fault that my family is broken and that my family is tired of me.
I had the baby. But he barely made it. Elijah was so fucking mad at me that he wouldn't let me see the baby for a year.
I haven't even talked to Ryan. That's his name. Sometimes he would come to me, but he wouldn't say a word. He would just curl into me and hold me tight. I would wrap my arms around his small frame and just cry. Elijah would always come and check up on us and smile at the sight.
After an hour, Ryan would give me a kiss on the cheek and leave. But not before saying, "I love you Mama." And it breaks my heart to see him so broken and then I feel even guiltier for making him feel like that and I shut myself out even more.
I've finally decided that I'm going to move on. And to do that, I'm going to need my family to help me. If they are willing to.
It's the twins' 16th birthday today and the whole family is going to be here. This is when I'm going to finally ask for help.
No one is in the house since they all went to the airport to go pick up Dad and Leo. They just got back from their trip to Paris.
I took a shower and washed my hair that hasn't been washed for about 3 months now. I brushed my hair and my teeth. I looked in my closet, but nothing would fit me anymore since I've lost a lot of weight from not eating.
