TW: self harm, Possible suicide attempt in this chapter if not then in the next one
Peter pov
It's been almost 3 months since dad died it's January 5, all or the remaining avengers came together for thanksgiving, Christmas and had a sleep over on New Year's Eve. In theory things should be getting better, but I guess theory is out the window because life just seems to be constantly going further and further down hill. I kept writing letters to dad and would end each of them with "today has been ok." Sitting in front of the bathroom mirror I was just looking at myself. My phone rang. I picked up: "Mr. Parker you should come to the hospital, its your aunt" the line drops. "NAT!" "PETER! What is it are you ok" she ran into the bathroom where I was sitting on the ground sobbing. "BUCKY" I cried out (their dating now) "babe? Oh my god peter! Are you ok?" "A-a-aunt May she's i-in the h-hospital" "fuck, come on I'll drive you, comer baby" Bucky picked me up and placed me in the back, nat sat with me while Bucky drove.
2o mins later
"Babe we're here" i stumbled out of the car and ran up to the desk. "I need to see May Parker" "room 203 but only family are allowed in" i nodded and sprinted to the room. Flinging out the door i stoped short at the sight, there was May on a bed hooked up to more tubes and wires than I could count "m-may?" She croaked a short "hey peter" "May please don't leave" "Petey I'm sorry but I'm tired honey you have so many people that love you, don't give up on them ok?" "Tears clouded my vision "but I've already lost tony i cant loose you to." "Sweet child, you are stronger than you know come here i have something to give you." I walked over and knelt by her side, she pulled a necklace from around her neck, on the chain there were too wedding bands and one ring. " this is Bens wedding band and your father's and mother's wedding rings, take the bands, and do me a favor?" "Anything May" "give one to Bucky" "what about moms ring?" "Give it to Morgan, tell her to hold on to it, and tell her that her auntie may loved her very much. Ok?" "Ok May, I love you so much but i have one more thing to tell you" "you're Spider-Man I know, Ben would be so so very proud of you" "I'm sorry may" " for what?" "It's my fault, you would have had a really good life with Ben and my parents, but their dead because of me" "peter Benjamin Parker you listen to me right now, none of this is or was your fault, and if you blame yourself for it I will ghost haunt you with my horrible cooking." "Heh ok may, i love you so so much, rest happy I'll see you soon" "not to soon baby, goodnight" her head turned slightly to her right just as Tony's did. The monitor flat lined and I sat clutching may's hand sobbing. Bucky came in, I didn't notice he gripped me and pulled me out of the room, through the hall, and into the car, Nat drove this time, Bucky sat in the back with me. He rubbed circles into my back. "Hey buck?" "Yes Nat?" "We're here will you take Pete upstairs and get him to go to bed?'' "Of corse Nat, he'll probably want to write letter though" "you know i can here you?" "We know, come on babe" I felt Bucky's strong flesh and metal arms hoist me out of the seat and carry me bridal style up the steps, tears silently leaking out of my eyes, the chain or rings around my neck ad tucked out of sight. "Here you go doll" he handed me my favorite of his sweatshirts and some pajama bottoms, then got my Lap desk and writing materials and set them on the edge of the bed. "Thank you Buckyboo, do you think you could step outside, cause I dont really want to change in front of someone" "of corse darling" his old fashioned Brooklyn drawl melting me on the spot, he must be worried about me, his accent only ever came out when he was worried. "Thank you Bucky I love you" he froze, "what?" "Oh shit...um I'm sorry that was to soon wasn't it, its only been 3 months fuck, I'm so sor-" he walked up to me and kissed me it was a deep and soothing kiss "i love you too baby" with that he turned and walked out side. What did i do to repay him? I ran into the bathroom and cut my legs to ribbons. I only stopped when I felt the blood drip around my feet. I hustled to clean up and wipe the blood away from my legs and the floor, and then bandage my legs. I put on my pajamas and called buck back inside.
Bucky pov
I stepped out side my mind swirled with thoughts, peter loved me, peter the beautiful, strong, good, being love me, the killer, scarred, broken, shell of a man. I was pulled from my thoughts by peter calling my back inside. He was already in bed "Bucky will you grab my writing stuff" "of corse" i walked over to the foot of the bed, grabbed the things and set them down on his thighs, he winced, why did he win- oh god. "Peter" i said in a firm tone "why did you wince"
