~Idiot~ by kato_libra (dreamwastaken fic<3)

Part 15

(A/N: I have no energy to proof read this so I apologize for any typos)

Cara's POV

Last night was certainly interesting. A lot happened in a very short time period, such as Clay saying he loved me and then immediately saying he didn't mean it. Fun fun fun.
Honestly, I didn't know what to think about the situation. Part of me shriveled at the idea of a serious relationship. Usually, it was my friends who got into relationships while I stayed single. I would watch as their partners lied and cheated. I saw how much stress is put on them and how much pressure they were under. But I also saw how much fun they had together. I saw them love each other and be simply happy.

Part of me saw how much damage can occur when in a relationship, and the other part saw how beautiful it can be.

My heart fluttered in my chest when clay said he loved me, but I would be lying if I said that it didn't scare me a bit.

It didn't help that he acted super weird afterward, too.

"I didn't mean it like that" The words played on repeat in my head. That stung a bit.

Why is this so damn hard?

    The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. Great. I rubbed my eyes trying to clear my eyesight before I search the house for him. Every morning I feel like I'm straight out of The Walking Dead.

Hobbling my way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, I found him standing in front of the stove, making what seemed to be eggs and bacon. I really hope that it's not awkward now.

"That's a nice smell to wake up to," I spoke softly, trying not to startle him like how I usually do. He turned around quickly and smiled. It was different in the slightest way that I couldn't describe, but I just knew.

"Good-morning"

"Mornin"

The air was tense. Definitely awkward. He quickly made me a plate and brought it over to me, pouring a glass of OJ afterward and setting that down too. I thanked him shyly and waited for him to sit down next to me before I started eating.

"Even with something as simple as eggs and bacon, you can cook better than me" I shook my head. It was my best attempt at breaking the ice. Maybe we would just ignore it completely, but is that something that I even want to do? Ignore it? I can't ignore it. My brain won't let me forget it.

"It's because I'm a Leo"

"That is such a Leo thing to say" I laughed, but we soon fell to silence again. Why is it so hard to talk to him now? We never have a problem with creating conversation, and now we are just sitting in silence eating eggs and bacon on a Tuesday morning. Is this what it feels like to be a married old couple?
Gross.

"Today's my last day, so what's the plan?" Anything to end this torture.

He thought for a bit, seems like he had a planned answer but was now questioning it.

"I was promised some hair shampoo" he smirked. I immediately bounced in my seat, slapping my hand down on the counter.

"Oh! I forgot about that already!" I spoke with food in my mouth and quickly swallowed it before I continued speaking. "While we are at target, we can also get you some better decor. This place looks like white bread."

"You know I would be insulted but I oddly understand that."

     We quickly ate breakfast before getting ready to go to target. I kept my outfit casual and didn't bother to do makeup.
The air around us was still tense as we hopped into his car and drove to the nearest target. I distracted us with some music, playing some old school Arctic Monkeys. Every once in awhile I would catch him glance over to me, yet his expression was unreadable as he did so.
Even with the music, it felt like there was a huge wall of silence between us, causing the car ride to be almost unbearable.
God fucking damnit, Clay!
Why did you have to say that?
...and why did you take is back
I was scared to bring it up, even though all I wanted to do was ask him one question:
Do you really love me?
Do I really love him?
My brain wanted to tell me that any feelings that I have are just a manifestation of my need to be loved. It wanted to tell me that this isn't real and that, no, he doesn't love you, Cara, how could he ever?
I fucking hate the way my head is always trying to fuck with me.
My heart yearned for him, though. My skin tingled every time he touched me, and my lips always curled into a large smile whenever I'm with him. It was subconscious. I wasn't trying to fall in love with him, but it just happened.
Fuck
I really think I love him.