No room for friends

Part 18

(⚠️TRIGGER ⚠️ ANGST)
Three years later...
Illumi pov
I'm so excited for leorio and kura's wedding! I honestly don't know why but I was chosen to sit in the front row. I mean I guess we have gotten pretty close over the years and I would kinda consider him as a best friend. Wow those are words I never thought I say. I smile " what are you all giddy about over here" I look at kura "nothing I'm just so excited" "I am to I can't wait to marry leorio. But let's not talk about me, what about you and hisoka" he nudged my arm and wiggles his eyebrows. "He hasn't asked yet but maybe he will someday" I give him a look and he changes the subject. "Anyway can you help me with my hair" I stand "did you want one of those basic wedding hair styles or something simple like a ponytail" "simple" we laugh and talk for a couple minutes while straighten his hair. Then I put it in a ponytail. "This is perfect thank you lulu." We hug and I walk out to my spot. Since he doesn't have a dad Gon begged ging to walk him down and of course he said no at first but then reconsidered when he realized how much kurapika meant to Gon. As they walked down you could see tears forming in everyone's eyes, even mine.
Time skip to at the end because I'm lazy and don't want to write all of that other wedding stuff
"You may now kiss your husband" they kiss and it's not one of this overly dramatic kisses at weddings, it's the kinda kiss you give your lover after not seeing them for a while. Hands around their neck, standing on the tips of your toes to try and reach up, just melting into a long, soft kiss as they pull into their body by your waist. Everyone is crying and clapping, but my cries were for a different reason. I know it's selfish but me and hisoka have been dating for 3 and a half years now and I just thought that maybe he would want to marry me, but I mean why would he I'm Just some ugly emotionless person who doesn't care about anybody but themself. I'm always trying to smile more and show my feelings but I guess an assassin isn't meant for that. For years I've killed and killed for the sake of my parents love. I've never had a friend who was there for me I never had anybody because nobody cared enough to love me. I wish I was dead.
Time skip
We walk back to the hotel room to get ready for the after party since it wasn't done getting set up. I walk into the bathroom and close the door. "Babe I'll be back leorio needs me" "alright I'll be here" the door slams shut and again I'm left alone. I look in the mirror for the razor, it's not sharp like the razor blades I have at home but it will do. I take it and do a slice down my arm. I start to sob "why does everyone hate me. I hate myself I want to die. I'm so ugly" I sob harder and the word my father once said to me pop back in my head as I make another cut.
Worthless. Stupid. Waste of space. Good for nothing. You will never be a good as your brother. Mistake.
I cut my arms 3 more times. I sob harder just then the door bust open. Damn I forgot to lock it, I look up and see hisoka's terrified face. "Hisoka I'm sorry" I sob. He grabs a towel and wraps it around my arms. He hugs me as I sob. "Baby don't apologize. I'm here" I slowly calmed down and we started talking. I explained everything except the part where I wanted him to propose. He just listened to me and didn't talk like he was understanding and actually caring for me. "Baby I want you to promise me to never do this again" I nod and he kisses me. He stands and grabs my hand to help me up. We hug and I just melt under his touch. "Baby I want you to know that no matter what happens I'm here and I love you" "I love you to" we kiss again. "Let's clean these and wrap them. I nod and he goes out to go ask for bandages. He cleans the cuts and wraps up my arms. We sit on the bed and I just lay there in his arms. "Babe why do you love me" he looks down at me. "You really want to know? I love you because well you were my first friend" I think back to when we were kids. He was my first friend as well. I nod and lay back into his chest. We sit there for a few mins and then we hear a knock on the door. "It's me killua everything is ready. The limo will be here soon so hurry" "okay well be out in a sec" I jump up and pull hisoka with me. I brush my hair and walk out.
Time skip
The party is outside which is kinda cool. As I'm walking I grab hisoka's hand and he's shaking like crazy. "Babe are you alright your shaking" he nods. "I'm just a little cold is all" we walk to the group and sit down with everyone. Gon and killua next to each other. Kura on Leorio's lap. Me and hisoka next to each other. "No wonder this took forever this place is amazing" "Yeah it really is. A certain someone wanted it to be outdoor because they liked this area." His eyes shift to hisoka. "I chose this place because that cliff over there is very special to me" he points and I look and see the cliff he took me to on my birthday. "Ohhh what happened over there" Gon asks very interested. "That's the place I took illu on his birthday. I chose it because I wanted to make a special memory of all of us up there." "Hisoka being wholesome? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend" we laugh and eat our food.
Hisoka pov
I'm so nervous I hope he says yes. As all of us are walking up kurapika pulls me back a little bit while everyone walks up. "So how you feeling" "honestly I'm kind of nervous what if he says no" "honey he will say yes I know for a fact that he wants to marry you" "you really think so?" "I know so. Now hurry up before they suspect something" I nod and we run to catch up with them. We get to the spot on the cliff and it's looks so amazing. The light from the city make everything so beautiful.(play the song now^^^)
Leorio plays a song and grabs kura's hand and they start slow dancing. Killua blushes and grabs Gon hand and they do the same. I look and see illu is looking out and the view. Suddenly it starts to snow. Wow nature is helping me out today. I grab illu from behind and spin him around. We start dancing and he puts his head in my chest. My hand digs in my pocket and I pull out the box. I pull away from illumi. "I have to tell you something" he looks at me. "I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore" he looks shocked and he looks as if he's about to cry. Now everyone else is watching behind me. I get on my knee and open the box. "I don't want to be your boyfriend because I want to be your husband" he starts crying. "Illu will you marry me" "YES I WILL" he crying hard now. I put the ring on his shaking hand. I stand up and hug him as everyone slaps from behind. "You don't know how much I love you baby. I want to make you mine forever" "I love you" we kiss and I wrap my arms around his waist. I brush some of the snowflakes out of his hair. He turns and looks out at the city and I hug him from behind with my chin on his shoulder. We all stand and look out into the distance for a little longer. We walk down the cliff and start going to the limo since it was getting quite cold out In the snow. When we get to the street the limo was parked on the other side. Everyone runs over but I stay and tie my shoe. As I'm walking over a car speeds down the block and before I could jump out the way BAM.
Illumi pov
Everyone looks terrified and i when I look up all the color drains from my face. "HISOKA WATCH OUT" The car hits him but doesn't stop they just keep on driving. We run over to hisoka and see his lifeless body on the ground. "Baby come on wake up" I start crying. "BABY WAKE UP PLEASE" everyone is crying. "CALL AN AMBULANCE SOMEONE" "This can't be happening." I look at leorio and he's hyperventilating. "I can't lose my Bestfriend. Not again."