Identity Crisis (Boy x Boy)

Part Ten

Cody was my world, and much like the world itself, he had three layers. His mantle was the layer that everyone saw; the version where he played things off cool and easy without much emotion hanging off of his words save for the occasional joke. His outer core was a glimpse into his hidden self, but not quite. This was where he would get silly and happy, making it really pleasant to be around him, provided the people around him could handle his teasing.

His inner core, though, was the side that very few people saw. It was his deep and tender side that people were rewarded with for getting close to him. In my case, it was where his deepest passions and romantic moments would come out to play. God, it was always so dangerous for him to show that side for me. I could get so lost in it that I would be willing to ditch everything in life just to bask in it.

Truth be told, I loved all of his layers, but it was sometimes stressful to react accordingly to which side he had. For example, acting sweet when all his walls were up would be met with a lot of sarcasm. On the flipside, being sarcastic while he was vulnerable would force him to lock up that version of him for a while. It was always a synchronization dance with him, and I was not caught up on all of my lessons.

This stress became worse when I became Derek. I still mostly saw his mantle, which made it really hard for me to not melt around him like I did almost a month ago. On top of that, he occasionally sent me mixed signals and I sometimes responded inappropriately.

For example, he once sent me a picture of some casserole dish he made and how proud he was. It looked so nasty and I thought there was no way he was being serious, so I responded humorously. Turned out he was being serious, which totally didn't knock me a peg down on his friendship meter. Yikes. If I didn't know any better, I would say karma was working against my master plan.

So, when I got a phone call from him one afternoon, I was hoping it would be easier to detect what side he was putting on display. Though given my perilous track record, it would've been wise of me to prepare for an error or two.

"Since when do you do phone calls?" I asked Cody after answering. Sitting on a bench at the park, I held the phone to my ear while a cup of coffee, miraculously free of spelling errors, was in the grip of my free hand. This was almost deja vu sans the fact I was calling Cody rather than seeing him face-to-face.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be calling him and hearing his voice cradle my ears. After another sleep disturbance the previous night, I most certainly needed something to ease the chokehold that the dreary occurrence had on me. It had just surprised me was all. We had been talking a lot in the past few days, all of which was carried out through texting.

"Since... I'm on my break and texting is too slow," he responded on the other line. "'Sides, it's always nice to hear a voice for a change." Especially his voice, above all.

"Yeah, no, I'm totally cool with it." I lifted my coffee cup to my lips and took a sip. "So, what's going on?" The various trees swaying in the breeze caught my attention as I awaited a response. It was a calming visual to aid my conversation.

Cody took a deep breath. "I had plans tonight with a friend but I decided to cancel. Night's still free so... wanna hang?"

What? I nearly choked on my coffee as it slithered down my throat. "Cody, you better not have bailed out on him just for me." It wasn't far from him to do something like that... for Riley. Why would he do that for me?

"Egotistic much?" he asked. "I figured I'd have more fun seeing you, but I guess you don't feel the same way."

I took in a sharp breath. Shit, he's speaking from the heart on that one. The lovely Derek Bauer fucks up again. How do I fix this one? "I just... don't want to inconvenience you. You could've always invited me with your friend. I don't mind expanding my horizons."